https://www.paul.senate.gov/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/2026.07.27_Diary-Prequel-.pdf
https://media.brownstone.org/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/Diaries-of-Anthony-Fauci-2019-2022-3.pdf
https://www.faucisdiary.com/sources
https://fauciarchives.com/exhibits/the-diary?page=1
Posting here because FB has a character limit and it's easier.....
Ok, I cannot sleep so I am posting this update tonight. I
have been so sleep deprived the last two weeks that my days are running
together so forgive me if I get a day wrong, it will be chronologically
correct, even if I misspeak a day. All donations will be going to Grandma NOT
the parents….. after reading this you will understand why. Please read it all
the way through, I know it is long but when I am sleep deprived I tend to be
wordy, sorry.
So, I have known “Evan” for a few years. Obviously not his
real name. I have known his wife “Becky” almost as long. I met them both
through my work with animal rescue. Seems like I am his first call any time he
has a crisis or needs something…..
I have also known something was not right with his little
family. I couldn’t figure it out until the last few days though. He moved way
too much. He spent way too much time running the roads when he should have been
out arranging autistic services for his son. He would SAY he was heading to
those appointments then always have an excuse as to why he never made it to
them.
What I noticed most though was his animals kept “disappearing”.
He claimed he rehomed them…..That was not the case, and it became apparent over
a kitten named Leo. I helped him get Leo neutered and when Leo got “injured”
helped him arrange the vet care. Leo wasn’t even a year old when he called me
and asked if I wanted some “cat stuff”. I said sure never hurts to have it.
When I saw that it was Leo’s stuff I asked him what happened to Leo.
The first story was the evening he dropped Leo’s stuff off…..
Leo is gone. No explanation, nothing. Just gone. I let it go that night but it
bothered the hell out of me. The second story I was told was a lie. It was Evan
lining up his wife so he could claim she had PPD (Post Partum Depression)
because he planned to take custody from her. His second story was that Becky
killed Leo. No mention of how it happened though. I knew this could not be true
because Becky rescues animals and has loved cats since she was little. She
would never kill one intentionally. But I did not argue with him about it.
Evan also did some volunteer work for our rescue for the
welfare program. This was last year before he moved to Kingman. He has accused
ME of setting him up for fraud, but that was all his doing. Evan took it upon
himself to fill out the time sheets, sign another board member’s name to them
and then submit them. He signed their Facebook name though, not their legal
name. The worker called me, who had zero idea Evan had done this, so I got her
in contact with the other board member who was furious to say the least. But
Evan sees that as ME setting him up for fraud. Sorry but he is the one who wanted
his sheets filled out but never wanted to actually do the work. Much like his
wife became an IHSS worker so she would get paid to take care of her son, which
if what I have witnessed is what she calls care….. Hell no!
Evan was pissed because he lost gas money and other “income”
over the fact he forged someone’s signature to his forms. So, we didn’t speak
for a while until the next time he needed something.
I got a call, Evan is frantic. He is at an animal shelter
trying to adopt a dog. However, they flat refused to allow him to because Becky
had been calling stating that if they allowed Evan to take the dog Evan would
kill it. His story though was that she said SHE would kill it. Again, laying
out this PPD plan long before the baby was even born. Kudos to Becky though for
getting Evan blacklisted from every shelter in 2 states! Yep, her call did
that.
Then his calls get downright weird. Becky is suicidal. Becky
doesn’t want the baby. Becky is drinking and smoking pot while pregnant. Becky
is doing strange stuff, and he is afraid of her. Of course, as a friend I was
concerned because I had no idea what to think or believe since I couldn’t talk
directly to Becky. Evan doesn’t allow Becky to speak to anyone without him
reading every message, having her phone on speaker, etc. She cannot even be
alone with the girls for a coffee date or anything like that.
Now I was aware of past DV incidents between them, however
it came from him. He claims he did his time, did the classes and hasn’t hurt
her since. I now know this was a lie. Again, things only coming to light in the
last few days.
I also found it odd that he was constantly in a different vehicle.
He claims that’s how he makes money buying cars, fixing them up and selling
them. This is also not true. He flips cars so often because neither him nor
Becky have a valid driver’s license. He also uses his autistic son’s SSI check
to buy these cars. So, right now they are driving around with the 8 year old in
a car that likely has no insurance and without a license.
I only learned in the last few days that he has had her
arrested before on DV charges. This last incident he tried to lie and forgot I
had the proof in text messages. He had the kids in Kingman and both were
squealing. He calls me claiming Becky took off and they had a fight. He didn’t know
what to do. He described everything even that she pulled a knife on him and he
had a photo of it. He said he feared her coming home. He played it up good that’s
for sure.
When she did return I get another call from him. She had
gone in the bedroom and was messing with the electrical panel. He said when he
tried to approach her to figure out what she was doing she made him leave the
room and locked the door so he couldn’t get back in. At this point the call dropped so I texted
him. I said “have you called the cops or do you want me to?” He asked me to and
I reminded him that I did not have the address so he texted it to me. Yes, I
called explaining what he had told me, never knowing it was all lies and he was
further setting her up. Yes, she pulled a knife out, yes he took a photo of
that. But that was the story he wanted us to believe is that Becky was so far
off the rails she was ready to kill herself or someone else. Dispatch had me
stay on the line with them since he had called on the other phone so it was
like a three way call. Once they arrived the deputy had him hang up so I only
know his story of what occurred, which likely is not fully true.
Yes, Becky was arrested and only got out of jail a few days
ago. Yes, he left Kingman and stayed in his van with his son instead of the
safe housing that was arranged. No, keeping Becky away from the kids was NEVER
part of the deal, we insisted she be a part of their life. This is where things
got weird again….
Evan refused to let his son out of his sight, but seemed to
care less about the baby. Yes, I cared for the baby for several days. When he
handed her to me it was with one onesie, one receiving blanket, her milk, a
pack of diapers, one pack of wipes and a pacifier. Yeah that’s it and the
nipple and nipple ring had not been washed in who knows how long and she only
had one. The bottles were the ones the formula came in, not the bottles for
reuse. No socks, no hand mittens, no nail clippers and she desperately needed
her nails trimmed.
When she had an oops and needed a clean onesie it was like
asking for a kidney. I had to ride him for hours before the clean clothes were
brought. Once they were brought over, 4 onesies, 2 of them were too small, very
tight on her. The receiving blanket was filthy. He kept complaining that he
needed to do laundry. He also said the clothes had been “donated”. This was
when I made the post requesting help. It was obvious Evan had little to nothing
for the baby or his son and he promised he would go pick things up. I would
give him the contact info of the person who reached out and I am not sure he
even bothered to contact any of them.
Evan would say he was on his way to go get things and then
when asked where it was he had a long story of ending up in Orange County for
some appointment for housing. Also a lie. I found out he had gone to his mother’s
house instead of handling any business. I also told him the formula was making
the baby have the runs she needed a different formula. He never got any. Not
only that his paranoia was driving me bats. He would call almost every hour to
hour and a half. Those calls would briefly mention the baby, but were more
about how he had to get his welfare set up. I would remind him about the milk
and need for baby clothes / receiving blankets. He kept changing the subject.
When he first left Kingman to head out here it should have
been a 5 hour drive tops, even with two young kids. It took near 9 hours for
the trip. He claimed he had to go to a storage unit in Fort Mojave to grab some
of the kids stuff and drop some stuff off. He had very little for the kids when
he got here though…… His trip to his storage unit in San Bernadino, which he
was also supposed to go to the welfare office took over 12 hours and he never
returned with anything for the baby, nor did he stay very long. Claimed he
needed to get things done. All the while he has his 8 year old son in the van,
in this heat doing lord knows what because he never once addressed the business
he needed to.
Evan also asked me which courthouse he needed to go to in
order to file for custody. I explained that is family court, which is in San
Bernadino. He had told multiple people he was filing for custody and would only
give Becky supervised visits. He claimed he wanted to get it filed before she
got out of jail. I had assumed this might have been what he was doing when he
claimed to be handling business. I still have no clue if he actually did any of
that paperwork. But he did ask me if I would help him fill it out. But he never
brought the paperwork by for me to help him.
Keep in mind that while I was caring for the baby, he was
also blowing up my phone with calls and texts. Each time it would wake the baby
up, and he would be told to TEXT so he didn’t wake her up. He never honored
that, just called and most calls were literally about nothing. He consumed my
time, literally. I can imagine how Becky felt and presently feels. Having been
a DV survivor myself I see now exactly what he is doing. Evan also told me that
Becky wanted to speak to me when she got out, she wanted to apologize is what
he said. (Remember this because he changed his story less than 24 hours later).
Evan had originally planned to leave Becky in jail and if
she did get out he was not going after her because there would be a no contact
order. He lied about that too. The night before she got out of jail he went
back to Kingman, with his son and claims to have emptied the storage unit in
Fort Mojave and then rented a hotel room so he could attend court via telephone
the next morning. Becky got out and he picked her up.
It was the same day I turned the baby over to Becky’s
mother. How that came to be is not really important, but the fact the baby is
safe and not a part of his BS is what matters. I am not using the children’s
names to keep them protected. So, around lunch the day Becky is released is
when the baby was delivered to Becky’s mom. I was told to tell him a story, so
I did. I said I was exhausted and needed to do some outside things I couldn’t
have the baby out in the heat to do. Not totally a fib, all of it was true, but
it wasn’t the baby that was exhausting me it was his constant calling and never
asking about the baby. I can post the call logs to prove how often he called…..I
ended up missing a couple of important calls because I finally set the phone in
do not disturb mode.
So, around 3 pm the day Becky is released he calls to say he
is heading over, they were still in Kingman and should be here in a couple of
hours. So I tell him I am gonna nap and I had an alarm set to text after that
call. I made it very clear that I was gonna nap because that evening I had
planned to work outside when it cooled off. That call was a normal call. The
ones following it got very weird.
Right before 4 pm his next call came in, yes less than 45
minutes after being told to text he called. I did not set it on do not disturb
because I was expecting a call later on in the evening that I did not want to
miss. So, I kind of chew him out for waking me up. He tells me they have “battery
issues” and would be a little later than he said. I was like ok so you had to
wake me up for that? (Something my abusive ex used to was deliberately wake me
up). So, I try to go back to sleep without any luck.
Around 6ish Evan calls again and he is frantic, paranoid and
downright odd. His voice is raised and he seems like he is trying to convince
Becky that it was my request that she come out so the three of us could talk. I
was like um, no you said she wanted to talk. He raised his voice even more
insisting it was my idea. Some of what he said made no sense I couldn’t
understand it since he was practically screaming. Then he went into a spew
about me trying to set him up for welfare fraud over the issue when he signed another
board members name to his welfare time sheets, without my knowledge or the
other board members permission. I ended up hanging up.
I was uneasy and really did not want him coming. He was
acting weird. The next call convinced me I might need help. The next call he
repeated the same stuff, swearing it had been my idea for Becky to come and
that was never the plan. What I had suggested was that me and a couple of
friends take the 8 year old for the night and the next day so he and Becky
could have some alone time to figure out what they wanted to do. That was what
I suggested but he lied to Becky and then tried to lie about what I said. It
was his tone of voice that truly scared me.
By this point Becky’s mom and I had been communicating after
the baby was delivered to her. I sent her a message that they were on their way
and I had told him not to bring the attitude here it was not welcome. I also
told him to come deputy assist because his tone made me feel unsafe. He did NOT
honor either request. So, Becky’s mom called the sheriff, who then called me. I
was on the phone with them explaining the danger I felt when he pulled in.
Evan came to the window, I told him I was on the toilet and
would be out in a few. He kept creeping around the window like he was trying to
hear what I was saying. It was near 9 pm by this point. I had finally stalled
him as long as I could so I put my dagger in my pocket and went out, knowing
the sheriff was en route.
Becky’s mom had also texted her the sheriff was coming. He
was more worried about the sheriff than he was about watching his 8 year old in
the dark. He was also more worried about being caught with the baggie of weed
than he was about tending to his son, who is NOT potty trained and had a wet
pull up. The son was also begging for water, which neither of them would get.
Becky hid the weed, but appeared that she had already smoked
because she seemed quite high and he was super paranoid, even before the
sheriff was called. This is where SBCSD totally failed. Two cars arrived, two deputies.
Evan had positioned himself between the deputies and his van. They never tried
to speak to any of us alone, nope. They took his word that things were alright
and then left. Not once did they pick up on hand signals I was trying or the
eye contact. I am so disappointed in their failure that night.
After the sheriff left I had to remind them to change their
son before they took off to Orange county. They finally left, but to where who
knows since he lies all the time and he may be running from CPS. I had that
feeling from the first day he arrived from Kingman, that he was running from
something.
Becky’s mom has filed for guardianship of both of the kids.
She has filed an ex parte and has emergency custody, which means by law they
have to turn the 8 year old over to her, and they won’t. Text messages (which I
had Becky’s mom do so she had it in writing) prove they only want the kids for
the benefits from the state.
The text barrage the next morning proved this fact and that
they wanted items they had no need of. What Evan did not know is that Becky’s
mom and I were on the phone with each other during the text barrage. Becky
asked her mom “how are we supposed to get housing without the kids?” This shows
they are not willing to work (and both are physically able to and she has an education).
Not once in either text conversation did they ask about the baby, not once.
Instead he was concerned about the car seat and diaper bag, wanted to know if
he could come get them. He was told multiple times those items went with the
baby but he kept insisting he wanted to come get them. He did not have the baby
and had zero need of the items it made no sense unless he wanted to sell them. Becky
told her mom that Evan purchased those items after she had gone to jail. Does
this mean the baby had no car seat or diaper bag prior to her being arrested?
If so, what happened to the one she came home from the hospital with?
When Becky’s mom asked how the 8 year old was their answer
was strange. “He is not suffering” was the reply. Ok, they are homeless, living
out of their small van in this heat. They are also broke. Their ONLY income is
the 8 year old’s SSI check, which Evan admitted the night before had all been
spent. He had even asked if Becky could do her community service hours for the
rescue and maybe her welfare hours. He was frantic about how he was going to
get more money the night before.
Becky’s mom tried reasoning with them that the kids did NOT
need to be drug around all day in this heat living out of the van. She pushed
for Evan and Becky to bring the 8 year old to get him out of the situation.
They refused. They still have the 8 year old and refuse to say where they are
because they know they have to turn him over to the grandma.
This is where we are today. Some may think I am a bitch for
letting grandma take the baby, but it is not that simple. I had no choice.
Looking at the situation as it is now, she is safe and not living in a van in
this heat, she is also with the woman who raised her brother. Evan and Becky
did not raise the 8 year old. They had little to do with him until he was
diagnosed with autism and got his SSI. Then they demanded him and his autism
went downhill from there.
Evan and Becky do not keep the boy in school. They never get
his services that he is entitled to, arranged. The only “service” they make
sure he gets is IHSS, where Becky is paid to care for her own son! Instead they
move from district to district hoping the problems do not catch up to them.
They take advantage of the fact that none of the school districts talk to each
other, nor do the social workers. When people begin asking why he has not been
in school, poof they move. This is NOT the first time they have moved like this
without a new place lined up. This is not the first time they have lived out of
their vehicle since I have known them. But it should be the last time they drag
the kids through it, especially since we have excessive heat warnings.
I understand a parent not wanting to be away from the child.
I get it. But as a parent some difficult choices have to be made when it is in
the child’s best interest. I have never seen anyone cling to a child over a
check as tightly as these two do with the 8 year old. Which is funny because they
do NOT parent him either. I have seen both of them sitting on their behind
totally ignoring the boy even when he was begging for water. He is not fully
nonverbal, but his speech is limited. Becky seems so disinterested in him he
seems to cease to exist for her. Evan yells at him a lot, when he does actually
pay attention to him.
Neither of them realize they can get housing without the
kids, there are tons of resources available to help them get on their feet and
stay there. Evan seems to like this way of living though because it keeps
happening. But it is no way for a three week old baby to live, one that would be
stuck in a car seat without a head support. (The car seat he dropped off with
me had zero head support I had to make one out of a towel).
As I said before, some may not agree with how all of this
went down, but the baby absolutely did not need to be homeless in this heat.
Becky’s mom was more than willing to allow Becky over to spend time with the
baby but Becky refuses to come without Evan, who burned out his welcome at
grandma’s house a long time ago. Also, if Becky had not wanted her mom involved
in the kids lives why then would she send their social cards, SSI paperwork etc
to the house? It is also the address Becky gave to the court as to where she
would be residing when she got out of jail. Obviously she isn’t living there.
The same day she got out of jail, the evening Evan flipped out on me on the
phone, Becky had already committed several violations of her release agreement.
Now the texting with grandma continued after all of this. I
had told Evan to stop contacting me the day after Becky got out. But the texts
with grandma continued. Grandma laid out some ground rules which I feel are
more than fair, and about what CPS would demand if there was an ongoing case.
She wants them to get housing (obviously), jobs, do drug testing and get their
driver’s licenses. Their response to that blew my mind. They told her to keep
the baby they would not do these things. This tells me they are more interested
in running the roads, doing their drugs (which grandma and I both suspect is
more than just MJ). But they currently are subjecting the 8 year old to all of
this.
Then today I get a call from a number I do not recognize and
I actually answered it instead of letting it go to voicemail. It was Evan. He
wanted info on the “recovery groups” on Facebook. I asked why. He had wrecked
the van, apparently pretty bad since the van was now overheating and he said
the frame was bent. He wanted to see if the recovery group would bring a chain
and help him pull the frame out straight. I explained he needed a mechanic not
the recovery groups, then he tells me they are stuck on the highway (refused to
tell me where) with the 8 year old in a nonfunctioning van in this heat!!!! So
now not only are they homeless, now they do not have the van’s air conditioning
either.
I will check the recovery groups or if someone else is in
them, please check for a post about a broken van with what I described above.
He may delete his post if he finds out people are looking for it. But the 8
year old needs help. He should not be forced to suffer like this because his
parents are being idiots. Had the baby been with them she may have died in the
wreck or from the heat!
Oh yeah, baby never got her two week check up or her four
week one. Grandma is scheduling that and getting it handled though. The 8 year
old has not seen any medical professional in over two years. They refuse to
keep up appointments. The only appointments the parents keep are the required
ones to keep the SSI and welfare!!! They have also abandoned their small dog
too. It is being fostered right now and in text they actually said to find it
another home. This is a dog the 8 year old has grown up with since the dog is
the same age.
This entire thing is a total shitshow. Grandma has many
things for the baby and the 8 year old actually has a room in her house since
she raised him most of his life. But they do have needs. Her getting the baby
was obviously unexpected and personally, I want to make both of the children
realize there are people who care. When I handed the baby over to grandma, I
sent the towel I made the head support with and a special fuzzy blanket that
she can keep for a keepsake. I do not have much, but I gave her something super
special and I do have more for her coming in soon.
She did not ask to be born into this shitshow, and the 8
year old certainly did not ask to be forced to endure this for as long as he
has. Not once in all the time I have known them have I ever seen the 8 year old
with a single toy. Evan’s idea of parenting is sticking the phone in his hands
and sitting him down. Evan sold the tablet grandma got for the 8 year old.
Everything grandma mentioned that she got the child is gone.
Regardless of who donates, I am still gonna work on getting
a care package for them together. The kids need to understand that people care
and have some keepsakes to give to their own kids in the future.
Can we come together to do this? If a GFM is set up the
money should go to a college fund, maybe a Disney World trip, mainly something
special now and a cushion for the future. I will NOT be setting up a GFM for
them, I am trying to coordinate donations of items for immediate needs like
clothes, toys, etc.
I want to thank everyone for reading this long ass post and
to those who help in this effort to gather items donated. This has been hell on
the emotions for sure because I was friends with the parents and I care about
the kids. This also came down just a couple of weeks after I had to put one of
my favorite cats to sleep. I made a post about Spanky and I still grieve him.
Now I am terrified for the 8 year old though and I pray he gets to grandma’s
house soon.
I feel Evan will ditch the van since we all know what it
looks like. I guess one good thing came of his weird visit the night Becky got
out of jail…… They hid the baggie of pot before the sheriff came that night and
they never took it with them. I am allergic to pot so it is of no use to me,
but I moved it from their hiding place so if they try to sneak up here and find
it I promise you they won’t! It isn’t at my place anymore but none of us know
what to do with it since none of us use MJ…..
So, to sum up their situation as of this evening:
1.
Homeless living in their van
2.
Broke, they spent the 8 year old’s SSI check in
less than 72 hours
3.
Claims he wrecked the van and was broke down on
the road side (so now no functioning air conditioning in an excessive heat
warning)
4.
No plans to get the 8 year old enrolled in
school or get his autism services established
5.
Becky has multiple violations of her release already
6.
Oh abandoned their 8 year old small dog too (it
is being cared for, no I do not have it)
Did I forget
anything? Sheesh this has been a shitshow to keep up with. Can I have a nap now
lol?
I am too tired and
too sick for all of this, seriously! I have hacked up yellow mucus, been puking
my guts out and have an antibiotic that says “stay out of direct sunlight” (as
if that is even possible LMAO. To top it off I also received a strange, semi
expected call today around 2 pm. I had to make an emergency trip to Needles,
California to rescue a cat that had been microchipped to me in case of an
emergency. He is safe too and happy to be here, but damn that was a hell of a
quick trip.
The next few days
be patient with me while I try to kick whatever the hell this is that I have. I
am not being unsocialable, just trying to rest and sleep this off. You can
message me directly on Facebook, YouTube or drop a comment on this post if you
wish to help the kids out. I may be slow to reply, but I will reply! I hate
being sick that’s for sure and thankfully it does not happen often!
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7539925/
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7778723/
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7778723/
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9515697/
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11008553/
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4639773/
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7564151/
I have struggled
with myself as to whether I should actually write this post. After last night,
I feel that I should. Life is too short to not say the important stuff.
This life
article is for my sister, Phoebe.
I have no clue
why Mom spaced out our siblings the way she did. She never really explained
that. I was 8 years old when you came along. To say that I was thrilled with
the idea of having a younger sibling would have been an understatement. When I
learned I had a sister, that was even better…. Or so I thought. That is how
things SHOULD have been.
I helped set up
the nursery. I read all of my books to you. Back then car seats weren’t a
thing. You had a small back seat bassinet, and it was my job to ride in the
back with you to make sure you stayed safe. I shared the Barbies with you and
even gave you some of my favorite ones. Things were good for a while.
I have spent
many hours trying to understand your attitude towards me that began from the
moment you learned to talk. I have been discussing such issues with my
therapist and only recently truly understood the attitude issue began when you
were a toddler.
But what I have
to say is important. I need to say it and you need to hear it.
Before you came along,
I was bullied in school, at Sunday School and pretty much everywhere. I could
count the people I called “friends” on one hand. I am not including the ones
Mom considered family and we grew up together. I was a chubby kid, had coke
bottle glasses, a lazy eye and I read a lot. I did not fit in with any crowd,
not neatly anyways. So, I spent a lot of time being a free range kid, a tomboy
and alone.
But then, I had
a sister. I thought that meant BFF’s for life even before the “BFF” came to be
popular. I tried to be the best big sister. I helped Mom a lot with you and I
loved doing it. I think this was the single thing that drove me to want my own
kids and NOT space them out the way Mom did with us.
As you became a
toddler though, things began to change. Again, looking back, it seems like you
were born hating me. For all of the external bullying I endured on a daily basis,
none of it compared to how cruel you were.
It started with
typical toddler stuff that I never tattled about. You broke something I cared
about, on purpose then ran away laughing. You destroyed fancy Barbie dresses,
on purpose. You ripped pages out of my books, even my school books. You dumped
juice on my turntable and broke many of my vinyl records.
Mom got tired of
replacing what you broke and at the age of 11, informed me that if anything
else got broken I would have to do odd jobs and replace it myself. You laughed
yourself into fits over that. The one thing she kept replacing was my glasses.
You delighted in breaking them. Many times, you would sneak in my room at night
and bust the ear piece off or break one of the lenses while I slept.
But it was
verbal too. None of the external bullies were as cruel as you in the words you
chose to use to tear me down. I did not deserve any of it, but you made sure to
demean me multiple times a day. Some of the names you called me were too cruel
to repeat here.
As you entered
grade school, a new way to torture me began. You lied to Mom, a lot. You would
do things and blame it on me. I would be the one punished. I began to detest
having a sister but still tried to do my duty as the big sister. It was also
during this time that the age gap became a wedge of its own.
I could dress up
nice and Mom would tell you to “say something” and the nasty remarks sent me
back to my room in tears. Mom knew my face cleaners, the ones from the dermatologist,
were messed with. She refused to believe it was you that put something in them.
Same thing for my make-up, snacks (that you said I didn’t need to bother with
because I was already the size of a whale) and literally anything you could
ruin, you tried to.
Even with all of
this going on, I still took you trick or treating, helped decorate for birthday
parties, took you to the mall, and tried to be the big sister I thought you
deserved. I was not perfect. I snarked some comments right back at you, but
none of mine were as cruel as the ones you threw at me.
When I was 14, I
spent the summer in Missouri with George. That summer I lost a lot of weight,
cut my hair and made a lot of changes to myself. The changes were so drastic
that you didn’t even recognize me when I got off the plane. What I expected I
would hear was not what I heard though. I had expected to hear how good a job I
did at dropping nearly 100 lbs., clearing up the acne and how nice the new
haircut looked.
Wow, was I wrong
about that. The insults began when you realized who I was. Right in the airport
you called me a whale in Jordache. It was around this time that I quit trying
to be the “good big sister”. I spent most of my time away from the house in an
effort to avoid you. I also began dreaming of the day I would turn 16 because I
would be out of that house one way or another.
It was also
around this time our tit for tat game began. You would ruin something of mine,
so I returned the favor. I was always the only one being punished though. I
began resenting Mom for being so blind she couldn’t or wouldn’t see what you
were doing. The name calling and cruel remarks you said right in front of her,
and I cannot recall a single time she ever spoke up in my defense on that.
Between the
external bullies and the torment I was forced to endure at home I began hating
school, hating pretty much everything. My goals were crushed by a child who
cared only for herself. Somewhere through all of that I lost myself. My dreams
were written in my diary, with a bulleted list on how to achieve them. Until
you found that diary and mocked the words before destroying it page by page.
The look in your eyes that day was one of pure hatred that to this day I do not
understand.
You have always
tried to pass off the blame onto others as to why you behaved this way or that
way. But the behavior existed long before either of my two husbands came along.
That hatred towards me existed within you from the moment you could form
sentences.
Just before we
moved from Michigan, I volunteered at the public library. I had done it for
years, loved doing it and likely would have pursued a degree in Library
Sciences. That came to an end though when you kept sabotaging my bicycle. The
day I gave up was the day my bike was stolen. I always thought you had that
done but I could never prove it.
When Mom
uprooted us to move from Michigan to Kentucky, yes I hated it. I loved living
in the hills, loved when we lived in the holler, even began to thrive again.
But you found a way to make it miserable for me. If I had a school function,
sorry Phoebe has this or that so she wouldn’t let me.
I was in
advanced placement and college prep classes in Kentucky. I even tried out for
and MADE the tennis team, a sport I loved. I had to quit the team because you
made sure I could not make it to the games or practice. Oh Mom, I forgot I have
this or that on that day. Even if I managed to work up enough money I was
forced to attend your school functions.
The last straw
was the Sweetheart dance that my date stood me up for. You knew his parents
were super strict and you made sure some pretty nasty rumors got around about
me. Rumors you knew would get back to them, gotta love small town gossip.
Between the rumors Mom told and the ones you started my “reputation” was ruined
before my flower was ever picked. Those rumors almost got me raped on more than
one occasion.
When the chance
came for me to get out of that house, believe me, I jumped on it. Aunt Lou, a
truly amazing woman, needed help and asked for me. So, Mom sent me by Greyhound
back to Michigan to live with her and help her. For the first time in years, I
slept amazing. I enjoyed waking up and facing the day, even though I had to get
up an extra hour earlier to tend to Aunt Lou before rushing off to school.
While I was in
Michigan, you convinced Mom to move into town, a much smaller place. You made
sure there was no room for me if I needed to return. So, when Ray proposed to me,
I saw a long term solution, not love. When I got pregnant, you and Mom came to
Virginia Beach for the baby shower. You were rude to the guests, making the
entire visit almost unbearable. But you liked Ray. I think you only liked him
because he got me out of the house for good, until it fell apart.
Maybe one day I
will detail everything wrong with that marriage, today is not that day. The
circumstances became that I had to flee him. When you woke up and saw me there
it was right back to the hateful comments, cruel remarks and sick forms of
torture. The one thing I thought was good, you and Brandi bonding. I was like
maybe you two could have a better relationship than you and I ever had.
Again, how wrong
I was.
While you and
Brandi became closer, your torment of me kept growing. In those two years I
went back to finish my GED, held multiple jobs trying to do right as a single mom
and had not even begun dating again. Maybe you forgot about all the jobs I
worked during that time, maybe not. When I had a car, you always asked me to
take you places, which I did. I was the Sister Taxi Service, you called it
that, even said I should paint it on the door of my car.
I wasn’t
immediately aware that you and Mom had gone behind my back to try to force Ray
and I to reunite. The two of you kept the pressure on even after the divorce
was final and I had won sole, full custody of Brandi.
Once again, I
looked for a long-term way out of that house. I call it a “house” because after
you came along it was no longer “home”. When the opportunity presented itself
in what I thought was love at first sight I could not have imagined the lengths
you and Brandi would go to in order to have Brandi move back with you and Mom.
When I met and
moved in with Lewis is when your true hatred for me really started showing its
teeth. You wanted me to leave Brandi with you and Mom, demanded it. Our life in
the holler wasn’t perfect, but for once I was truly happy and in love. I was
blind to how he manipulated me back then, but the physical abuse didn’t start
until After May of 93……
I never even
knew the whole story until Brandi visited me in California in 2019. She
confessed how the two of you cooked up the idea that if she accused Lewis of
hitting her then CPS would take her away and put her with Mom. The two of you
tried so many ways to get me to let Brandi go back to live with you. By that
time though, I had seen how your toxic influence was affecting her and I wanted
to distance the two of you.
But May 18, 1993 changed everything…… I actually found a “pink, plastic fly flap” at a yard sale
after I moved to Barstow and still have it to this day. I had two miscarriages
as a direct result of what you two cooked up. But your hatred turned to rage
when your plans were thwarted by CPS. You could not have known they would NOT
place Brandi with Mom because of Mom’s health issues.
It was after
that when your coldness hit hard. It was so cold you refused to even try to
bond with the other kids. You looked disgusted by them and they did nothing
wrong. You refused to “love” them because the child you chose was out of reach
and you blamed me. CPS refused to even give you phone calls, that only upset
you more.
But you never
cared for what that little plot did to me or MY family. You didn’t care how it
affected anyone except that it blew up in your face when they denied Mom. The
first time he ever laid hands on me we were having words over that issue. He
tried to tell me that you were somehow behind it, and I stood up for you. Lewis
saw it before I ever did.
Much of the
abuse after that was directly caused by your little plot. Your rage towards
Lewis exploded after that.
When Mom decided
to weird out and Carol called me, I took you in so Carol could help Mom get
better. I knew you hated it in the holler, but you couldn’t stay with her until
she got better. Choices were limited and Carol refused to allow you to stay
with her because of issues she was having in her own marriage at the time.
You made sure
everyone was as miserable as you were, that’s for sure. You also treated the
kids like trash every chance you got. I can say the influence you thought you
had on them was little to none, thank God for that!
After you were
able to move back to Mom’s you did everything you could to drive a wedge
between me and Mom. For a while it succeeded. As she got sicker, she knew her
time was coming and she wanted to mend our relationship. The more she talked to
me or wanted to visit though, the worse you became.
When she passed
and only me and Jimmy were named as the ones to handle her final plans, oh you
were livid because they wouldn’t even let you in the room. I think you picked
the dress she hated the most out of spite. You fail to recognize that she had
set all of that up when I was a toddler and she never changed or amended it.
The snowball of
issues that happened after your little plot with Brandi though affected more
lives than you even considered. I had two miscarriages because of the stress,
and after the second one the doctor said I may never carry another child to term.
Do you remember what you said to me? I remember it like it was yesterday
because the pain of losing the baby was still so fresh. You said, “Good, you
don’t need HIS kids, you only need Brandi back.” You pointed right at Lewis
when you said it too.
We had a lawn
care business we were doing fairly well with back then. We were growing each week,
and it would have been an amazing business to hand down to the kids. All of
that fell apart because of all the court dates, trauma and stress over your
little plot. Each thing that went sideways as a result of that little plot only
caused the physical abuse to get worse.
In 2000, after
Lewis didn’t even have a fair trial, he was found guilty of a crime he never
committed. This is where you need to pay attention to the price that was almost
paid over your little plot. The court gave him a month to “get his affairs in
order” and then report to the jail.
During that
month he wanted to run to Mexico and never come back. At least that’s what he
told me, even though I was against it. It was summer so we camped in many
places for a couple of weeks in order to spend some quality time together. It
was during these camping nights that I knew I had to get the other 5 kids out.
I had zero choice, even though I knew I could not get myself out, yet.
Lewis didn’t
want to go to jail, and he didn’t want us to go on without him if he did go to
jail. His idea was murder suicide. Noah was 8 months old at the time, still
breast feeding and your plot had driven him so far off the deep end he wanted
to KILL the children and both of us. I knew I had to get them out before we got
back to Kentucky too.
I did get them
out and I also worked with CPS to keep the 5 together. I worked with them,
behind his back, to allow Carol and Jerry to adopt them. This was the beginning
of the end of my marriage. I stayed with him until they turned 18. I figured
they were adults and could handle themselves.
You and I had
began talking around then and you said “if you ever leave him I will do my best
to help, even help you get an apartment until you get on your feet”. When I
contacted you informing you that I had left you spent hours yelling at me about
SSI you thought I was receiving. Nothing I said could convince you I was NOT
receiving it back then. God, I wish I could access those old Yahoo Messenger
chats……
You turned your
back on me in my one, true time of need. But the thing you always want to bring
up is about $75 when I was locked up. You also fail to recognize that I had no
record before Lewis and literally only one issue after leaving him and that
issue was spawned by Brandi.
Your little plot
almost had dire ramifications for 5 innocent children. Just collateral damage
to you though huh? The best thing I ever did was begging the judge in
Mississippi to make damn sure neither side of the family had any contact with
them!!!
I have spent a
lot of time wondering why you hate me so much, trying to explore traumatic
events in my past in search of why my own sister was born hating me. I have
made peace with the fact that I will likely never know why.
I have forgiven
you, a long time ago. So, why pen this now if I forgave you? It needs to be
said. I need some questions off my plate so I can move forward in therapy and
for my 5 children who also deserve to know that their own aunt was the driving
force of the wrecking ball in our lives.
I do not want an
apology from you. It wouldn’t be sincere. I listened to enough of your fake
apologies for a lifetime. The ones who deserve that apology are the kids.
****~******~*~*~*~*~*~*~***~*~****~**~****~~****~*
In 1994, when
Clyde passed away and Mom received his life insurance settlement, I heard you
both discussing missing money. I also heard you trying to blame me. But I wasn’t
the one on a spending spree buying name brand things (Items Mom could not
afford and you had no job). It was just another thing you did and blamed me
for. There was a time when I think Mom realized it was you and it broke her
heart.
Maybe lying to
Mom about your line of work in college…. An accountant’s assistant? Candy Cane?
Nothing wrong with exotic dancing, it got you through college for sure. Mom
knew all along. She wasn’t as blind as you thought she was. She and I talked
about how worried she was about you doing that work.
I will not even
go into how you treated Stefanie. She and I have reconnected and do keep in
touch now. She treats me more like a sister than you ever did.
Actions have
consequences, and the actions you took in 1993 had serious consequences. You
wanted Brandi to live with you. You hated Lewis for “taking her away from you”.
You thought you could kill two birds with one stone. Send Lewis to jail and get
Brandi back with one little lie.
The sad thing is
you never cared about the consequences. All you saw was what you wanted, no matter
what the cost was to anyone else. That little lie did permanent damage to
Brandi too. It messed up her head so badly that she may never recover from it. You
screwed things up so badly I could not repair it no matter how hard I tried.
Part of me wants
to believe that you wanted to tell the truth, stop that snowball to hell and
fix things. Another part of me knows the sadistic side of you likely enjoyed
every second of the pain you caused.
Maybe you forgot
how you tried to make yourself the saint. Remember when you told everyone that
you paid for the Corsica? That you made the payments on that because poor
Evelyn didn’t have money? Girl, you were in junior high when we bought that. We
used some of the old cars sitting on the property as a trade in and the payments
were auto deducted from my bank account, money I earned doing work study while
attending college. But, you seem to need people to think that I could not
survive without you helping me. You helped me ONCE in your entire life, once.
Another thing
you hated about me was that I drew welfare. Lewis and I were building the lawn
care business. It would have grown to a point that we no longer would have
needed welfare, but court dates, trauma etc made it near impossible to continue
and then Paul allowed Kim and Tina to steal the equipment we purchased and
steal customer payments. For a time I was a stay-at-home mom. When welfare
began the welfare to work program, I didn’t throw a fit. I seized the
opportunity and got my college degree. Maybe you didn’t know, but after 2000 I
never drew welfare again.
Am I on SSI now,
yes. Why? Because I did not get enough quarters to qualify for SSDI due to many
of the jobs I worked being viewed as independent contract work. I think you
should know too, I did not get it on mental like you enjoy telling people. I
let that BS go for too long now.
I was approved
for disability (for LIFE) due to the damage Lewis did to me. My back is what
the SSI was approved on. I am now looking at multiple surgeries the doctor
wants to do in order to repair some of that damage. So, your accusation in 2011
of me spending all the SSI and cursing me out when I left Lewis was about 4
years too early. From 2011 through 2015 I supported myself. I worked until the
doctor told me to stop that all I was doing was further damaging my spine. I
also had to fight for the benefits, they were not easy to get approved.
So, you see,
your little plot had consequences, those are consequences you never saw coming
nor even had to truly experience. You lit the fire and then walked away. Through
it all you judged me, talked shit about me and how I handled things. Not once
did you ever attempt to apologize sincerely or try to make amends.
This is why I
stopped contact with you. The toxic behavior is not something I want or need in
my life, not then and most certainly not now.
My therapist was
right. Speaking my mind on this has made me feel so much better. I may never be
able to understand why you did what you did, but at least now it’s not a dirty
little secret hiding in a dusty closet hoping to be forgotten.
I also hope that
one day the kids can find it in their hearts to reconcile with me. For now, I
am respecting their boundaries on the matter, no matter how much my heart aches
for them.
Phew, I finally
said it. I do have more on this, but I am exhausted and need to do morning
rounds before trying to nap. I will expand on this later next week. Just
forcing myself to remember it all and type it out is exhausting.
Please allow me to vent a little….
This post will be a bit long so please read it ALL before
commenting.
For 2 years I have been helping out an apartment complex in
Victorville with a feral cat colony. I provided traps, a resident would notify
me to pick up when one was caught.
I was told people had threatened to poison the colony. I was
told support for the cats would also be provided.
I stopped accepting cats from them, picked up my traps and
cages almost a year ago after no support came for them. Sure, gas money would
be sent for me to travel to pick up a trapped cat. But to date no food, litter
or money for spay / neuter has been provided.
Please understand that I live on a fixed income and try to
sell some Amazon stuff to cover surgeries etc. Those sales are also super slow
right now.
The absolute hardest thing a rescuer can tell someone is I’m
sorry I cannot intake because I am full. Yes, some of the cats from that colony
will be permanent residents because they are feral. But simply being feral
should not equate a death sentence. One feral cannot ever be free roaming again
due to the injury she had at intake, which is fully healed now, but would make
her easy prey for larger predators. She served the complex well as a rodent
controller and now I give her a space to enjoy and live comfortably.
But each cat came with empty promises, and each one is an
amazing kitty who deserved better from the complex that rejected them. This is
part of why many local rescuers cannot handle intake, all the empty promises
from complexes like I dealt with. I even accepted one female who had been
spayed because a family was told if they kept her, they would be charged $1,000
pet deposit. That family promised that if I kept her, they would help with her
supplies because they asked that if they moved to a place where they could have
her back they would like her back. Of course, those promises were empty as
well, but she has become one of the best rodent catchers on the property! Not
once have they even asked about her since the day I picked her up.
I even lost a pair of my feral cat gloves to a person in the
complex who never returned them when I picked up the traps…… Those are NOT
cheap by the way……
So now I am here asking for community help with cats that
came from that part of the community, knowing some of the ones who made the
empty promises to me will likely see this, may even comment on this.
Yes, I have messaged my contact at the complex and
repeatedly asked for the promises to be kept. Mainly they ghost me and I gave
up trying. For nearly a year and a half I have supported the cats from that
colony alone, on my fixed income and turned 2 of the ferals into amazingly
adoptable boys who are still waiting to find their perfect home.
I know spay / neuter for CATS in our area totally sucks.
Plenty of programs for dogs, but none for cats. So, I do my best to find the
lowest option. Animal Action League is a PITA to get appointments with but is
the lowest cost. In the last 2 years I have bore this cost alone after the
promises fell through.
I work my behind off to provide for them, give them catios
stocked with anything they could imagine, provide solar powered fans for their
comfort, automatic litter boxes and so much more. Even the UPS delivery guy
takes some time to visit with them when he brings a delivery. So, if your box
is late sometimes that could be why. He never forgets to stop and give them
some attention.
But now I need some help. I need to catch up on a few bills
that I have been struggling with since being naïve enough to believe people
might keep their word. I need some help getting the last of the colony kitties
spayed / neutered.
I am NOT, I repeat and NOT asking for direct cash donations
or gifts. Let me repeat that, I am NOT asking for direct cash donations. Unlike
some, I prefer for people to know where their gift goes and provide the
receipts. So, how do you help?
1.
Food donations can be done via Barstow WalMart
or Tractor Supply, just do a pick up order and let me know when to pick it up.
Due to a couple of the kitties having a food allergy they cannot have Special
Kitty or Paws and Claws. 3 of them have to use Sensitive Stomach / Gentle Care
types food. There are 4 super seniors who need wet food, any wet food is fine
them seem partial to Sheba and Temptations though.
2.
Litter donations can be done the same way. A
simple pick up order. 2 kitties have kitty asthma and require a special litter
which I get from Tractor Supply $7.99 for a 40 lb bag it is called pine pellet
bedding. The 3 automatic litter boxes must have scoopable litter, preferably
unscented. The waste bags for the litter tray on the automatic boxes are
rectangle shaped so most will work.
3.
For those who want to ship something directly to
the house, message me. My address for shipping is in the description on any of
my YouTube videos (a link to that channel will be at the end of this post). I
know some people like Chewy and Amazon so that option is available as well.
4.
Spay / Neuter help can be done by donating
directly to Animal Action League under MY name. Message me for those details.
Once I get these guys homes my goal is to establish a
nonprofit HERE in our community that will help with CATS. The fact that we have
such little support in our area for any cats is ridiculous. I would love to
eventually sponsor spay / neuter events for CATS only, support a proper TNR
program and education on how community cats help their communities. I would
like to eventually be in a position to help those who care for the community
cats. That is my 5 year goal. The only intake that would be done would be for
stray/ ferals who could no longer survive alone.
For now, I am here asking for some community support for the
kitties taken in from Victorville after waiting for promises that were never
honored.
This is not a post of OMG they are gonna starve post. The
cats never go without. I make sure of that, even when it means some of my bills
/ needs get put on hold. This post is me, being humble and asking for some help
after struggling for over a year while listening to empty promises from those
who asked me to trap these kitties in the first place.
I have upset some people who did inquire about adoption.
They pretty much demanded to adopt BEFORE spay / neuter surgery and once the
surgery was done, they were no longer interested. Please understand that once a
cat comes to me it will NOT go out the door to contribute to unwanted litters
or be used for backyard breeding. Every kitty who comes here will be spayed /
neutered before going out for adoption. I will not apologize for this position for
making sure I am not adding to the severe cat overpopulation problem.
What I do guarantee though is that I match the right cat
with the right home. I take time to ask questions of potential adopters. Just
because someone wants a “orange cat”, it may not be the “right” cat for their
home. I also make sure these cats are excellent hunters and understand the assignment.
I work with them to socialize them with other cats as well as dogs. They could
be called my full time job (if I actually got paid for it LOL). I do it because
I love working with them and they deserve it. Some of the cats even visit the
senior care facility (speaking of which it is time to schedule the next visit
there too)…..
I do apologize this has been a long winded post. I have
advocated for these kitties since they came to me, but the current state of our
world has not been supportive of the smaller rescuers who have little time to
network.
Thank you in advance to any who help, even if it is just
sharing this post or tagging a friend.
This is the reality small rescuers deal with and many will
never openly speak of it. I do not want to be the one who says nothing. I want
to help our community and establish something that will serve the community
long after I am gone. I am 56, so I want to leave something for this community
that I love so much.
Have a blessed day time for me to do rounds on the furbabes.
If you have room in your heart and home for a thoroughly spoiled feline you can
message me directly. At present I have only males neutered and ready to go. I
have a few females waiting for their spay surgery, once that happens they will
be available.
Here is the YouTube link…… I will try to do a couple more
live videos later in the week. I had facet injections in my cspine today and am
resting from that.
https://www.youtube.com/@mischievousslave
When people hear that a cat is on a euthanasia list, the immediate reaction is often heartbreak. Social media posts featuring cats facing euthanasia deadlines frequently generate urgent calls for adopters, fosters, and rescue groups to step in before time runs out.
These efforts save thousands of cats every year. However, the reality behind shelter euthanasia decisions is often far more complicated than a simple story of a healthy cat needing a home.
Understanding how cats are selected for euthanasia lists—and why pulling a cat from that list is not always the best outcome—requires a closer look at the challenges shelters face and the unique needs of cats themselves.
Most shelters do not select cats for euthanasia randomly. Decisions are generally based on factors related to health, behavior, quality of life, and available resources.
Some cats arrive at shelters with severe injuries, advanced disease, or chronic medical conditions that significantly affect their well-being.
While shelters strive to provide treatment whenever possible, not every condition is treatable within the shelter's available resources. In some cases, euthanasia may be considered the most humane option to prevent ongoing suffering.
Cats can be particularly vulnerable to contagious illnesses in shelter environments.
Diseases that spread rapidly through cat populations may require extensive isolation, treatment, and resources. In shelters with limited veterinary capacity, severe or widespread outbreaks can influence euthanasia decisions.
This is not because the cats are unwanted, but because shelters must also protect the health of the larger population.
One of the biggest differences between cats and dogs is the existence of truly feral cats.
A feral cat is not simply shy or nervous. These cats have often had little meaningful human contact and may be unable to adapt to life as companion animals.
Historically, many shelters euthanized healthy feral cats because they were considered unadoptable. Today, many communities have embraced Trap-Neuter-Return (TNR) programs, which allow healthy feral cats to live in managed outdoor colonies rather than entering shelters.
However, not every community has robust TNR resources, and not every feral cat has a safe outdoor placement available.
Cats often experience shelter stress differently than dogs.
A stressed cat may:
In some cases, prolonged confinement causes significant deterioration in a cat's mental and physical well-being.
Many municipal shelters experience seasonal surges in cat intake, particularly during kitten season.
When hundreds of kittens and adult cats enter the shelter within a short period, available space, staffing, and resources can become overwhelmed. These pressures can influence outcome decisions, particularly in facilities with limited funding.
Social media has created a powerful movement around saving cats from euthanasia lists.
Photos of frightened cats are shared with captions emphasizing impending deadlines and urgent need. While these posts often come from a place of compassion, they can oversimplify complex situations.
The public rarely sees:
As a result, many people assume every euthanasia-listed cat is a healthy, friendly pet that simply needs transportation out of the shelter.
The reality is often more nuanced.
This can be an uncomfortable subject because it challenges the idea that every rescue is automatically a success.
But saving a life and improving a life are not always the same thing.
A cat with advanced disease, severe chronic pain, or a poor medical prognosis may continue to suffer even after leaving the shelter.
In these situations, transferring the cat elsewhere may delay a difficult decision without actually improving the cat's quality of life.
Many euthanasia-listed cats are highly adoptable and simply need an opportunity.
Others may be profoundly unsocialized or feral.
A feral cat placed in a typical household may experience constant fear and stress. In some cases, the cat's welfare may actually decline after removal from the environment it understands.
The goal should not simply be survival but an environment where the cat can thrive.
Removing a cat from a shelter does not automatically resolve the medical or behavioral challenges that led to the euthanasia recommendation.
Cats with severe medical conditions may require extensive veterinary care. Cats with significant behavioral issues may need specialized placement or long-term management.
Without adequate resources, the cat's struggles often continue.
Every foster home, rescue space, veterinary appointment, and donation dollar is finite.
When organizations commit substantial resources to one extremely difficult case, those resources may not be available for multiple healthy cats and kittens who could be successfully placed with far less intervention.
This is one of the hardest realities in animal welfare and one that rescue organizations confront every day.
Perhaps the most difficult concept for animal lovers to accept is that humane euthanasia can sometimes be kinder than prolonged suffering.
Animal welfare is about more than keeping an animal alive at all costs.
It is about ensuring that life contains comfort, security, and an acceptable quality of life.
For some cats, particularly those experiencing severe illness, extreme psychological distress, or conditions that cannot realistically be managed, euthanasia may be the more humane option.
The most effective ways to reduce feline euthanasia are not found in last-minute rescue efforts alone.
Long-term solutions include:
These strategies prevent cats from entering shelters in the first place and reduce the pressures that create euthanasia decisions.
The desire to save every cat comes from a place of genuine compassion. But meaningful compassion requires looking beyond the deadline and considering the cat's overall welfare.
Not every cat on a euthanasia list is there because of overcrowding. Not every cat can be successfully rehabilitated or rehomed. And not every rescue results in a better life.
The goal of animal welfare should not be to avoid euthanasia at all costs. The goal should be to maximize quality of life, reduce suffering, and create the best possible outcomes for the greatest number of animals.
Sometimes that means celebrating a successful rescue.
Sometimes it means investing in prevention.
And sometimes it means recognizing that the most humane decisions are also the hardest ones to make.
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This is precisely why I have gone to extreme lengths to give the true ferals here a space to enjoy inside and outside, safely, enclosed and with tons of things for stimulation without forcing human contact or socialization.
A true rescuers knows when a cat is a true feral and allows them to be themselves.
I have several true ferals, Spicy Carolina was the first to come in, Naughty Nels, Callie, Salem, Abby is super shy and mostly feral and the new guy who got dumped here Mikey are all classified as feral. This means they will be permanent residents since they cannot be safely adopted and should stay in an environment they know and are comfortable in.
They didn't ask to be removed but their situation was dire. People were trying to poison the colony, some had already died. Spicy Carolina came in with an injury and just needed time to heal. I posted tons of videos of her on YouTube.
So, I give them a climate controlled old camper and a small 5 x 5 outdoor catio to enjoy. I will enlarge that space when we get a 10x 10 donated. But they have plenty of space, hiding places etc to enjoy being feral. I have cameras to see them on and make sure they remain healthy.
But a feral should not receive a death sentence simply because it cannot be a pet.
Few phrases in animal welfare provoke as much emotion as "the euthanasia list." Social media posts featuring dogs scheduled for euthanasia often spread rapidly, generating urgent pleas to save them before time runs out. While these efforts can and do save lives, the reality behind shelter euthanasia decisions is far more complex than many people realize.
Understanding how dogs are placed on euthanasia lists—and why pulling a dog from that list is not always the best outcome for the dog, adopter, or community—requires a closer look at how shelters operate.
Contrary to popular belief, most shelters do not choose dogs for euthanasia arbitrarily. Decisions are typically based on a combination of factors that may include:
Some dogs arrive at shelters with severe injuries, terminal illnesses, or chronic conditions that cause significant suffering. While shelters strive to provide care whenever possible, resources are not unlimited. In some cases, euthanasia is considered the most humane option to prevent prolonged pain.
Behavior is often the most misunderstood factor. A dog may be placed on a euthanasia list because it has demonstrated dangerous aggression toward people or other animals. In other cases, the shelter environment itself can cause extreme stress, anxiety, or deterioration that makes the dog increasingly difficult to manage safely.
Behavioral euthanasia is one of the most controversial aspects of animal welfare, but shelters have a responsibility to consider public safety as well as the dog's quality of life.
Some dogs experience severe psychological or physical distress in a kennel environment. Dogs that cannot eat, sleep, interact normally, or recover from extreme fear may have a poor quality of life despite being physically healthy.
Many municipal shelters face overcrowding. While staff work tirelessly to avoid euthanasia through adoption, fostering, and rescue partnerships, there are situations where available space, staffing, and resources simply cannot meet demand.
This reality is heartbreaking, but it is often a symptom of larger community issues such as overbreeding, inadequate spay/neuter efforts, and owner surrenders.
The growth of social media has created a new phenomenon: the urgent rescue post.
Photos of dogs on euthanasia lists are shared with captions that emphasize imminent deadlines. These posts often portray the dog as a victim of circumstance and encourage immediate action to save its life.
While many dogs have found wonderful homes through these efforts, the urgency can sometimes overshadow important information.
Potential adopters may be driven by emotion rather than preparation. Rescue organizations may feel pressure to save every dog regardless of available resources. Critical behavioral or medical concerns may receive less attention than the countdown clock.
This idea can be uncomfortable, but saving a dog from euthanasia is not automatically the same thing as helping that dog.
A dog may be on a euthanasia list because it has a documented history of severe aggression. While rehabilitation is possible in some cases, not every dog can be safely placed in a typical home.
When adopters are not fully informed about these challenges, the results can be tragic for both people and animals.
Removing a dog from a shelter does not solve the underlying issue that led to its placement on the euthanasia list.
A dog with severe anxiety, aggression, or medical needs may require months or years of intensive management, training, and veterinary care. Without adequate resources, the dog's suffering may simply continue in a different setting.
Every kennel, foster home, rescue placement, and donation dollar is limited.
When organizations devote substantial resources to one extremely challenging dog, those resources may not be available for multiple other dogs with excellent prospects for successful adoption.
This is one of the most difficult ethical questions in animal welfare: whether saving one high-needs dog sometimes comes at the expense of helping many others.
Perhaps the hardest truth is that life alone is not always the measure of a good outcome.
A dog living in constant fear, chronic pain, or severe psychological distress may not be experiencing an acceptable quality of life. Humane euthanasia, while heartbreaking, can sometimes be the kinder option.
Animal welfare professionals often describe this as choosing between a difficult death and prolonged suffering.
Rather than viewing euthanasia-list dogs as heroes waiting to be saved or victims of an uncaring system, it is more helpful to see them as individuals with unique needs and circumstances.
The best outcomes occur when:
The desire to save every dog comes from a place of compassion. But compassion also requires honesty.
Not every dog on a euthanasia list is there because of bad luck. Not every dog can be safely or humanely rehabilitated. And not every act of rescue leads to a better life.
The goal of animal welfare should not simply be to prevent euthanasia at all costs. The goal should be to create the best possible outcomes for the greatest number of animals while respecting both public safety and quality of life.
Sometimes that means celebrating a successful rescue. Sometimes it means acknowledging difficult realities. And sometimes it means recognizing that humane decisions are not always the easiest ones to accept.
For years, the environmental conversation has focused on one central question:
How do we reduce our impact on the planet?
We often look toward large-scale solutions:
These tools may have a role in the future, but there is another question we should ask:
What if part of the solution is returning to the systems that nature already created?
The planet does not operate through waste. Nature works through cycles.
A fallen tree becomes soil.
Plants become food.
Waste becomes nutrients.
Carbon moves through living systems.
The challenge humanity faces is that we have increasingly built systems that interrupt these cycles.
We extract resources, manufacture products, consume them, and discard what remains.
We have created a world of convenience, but convenience often comes with a hidden cost.
For generations, people repaired what they owned.
Clothing was mended.
Tools were fixed.
Furniture was restored.
Food scraps returned to the soil.
Today, many things are designed around replacement rather than repair.
This creates a cycle:
Extract resources → manufacture products → use them briefly → discard them → repeat.
The problem is not only the waste at the end.
It is everything required to create the replacement:
A sustainable future cannot only ask:
"How can we make things cleaner?"
It must also ask:
"How can we need fewer replacements?"
Carbon is not the enemy.
Carbon is the foundation of life.
Plants need carbon dioxide to grow. Forests, oceans, and soil naturally move carbon through the Earth’s systems.
The problem is not that carbon exists.
The problem is imbalance.
When forests are destroyed, when soil is depleted, and when natural cycles are disrupted, we lose the systems that helped maintain balance.
This is why replanting forests and restoring ecosystems matters.
A tree is not just a carbon storage device.
A tree:
A forest is not a machine built to perform one function.
It is a network of life.
Technology has given humanity incredible tools.
The internet expanded access to knowledge beyond anything previous generations imagined. Artificial intelligence may help us solve complex problems. Scientific advances have improved countless lives.
The question is not whether technology is good or bad.
The better question is:
What ecosystem is required to sustain that technology?
A technology should not only be judged by what it produces.
It should also be judged by:
A data center, for example, provides incredible digital services, but it also requires:
A solution should not be judged only by the problem it solves.
It should be judged by the total system it creates.
This is where off-grid living provides an interesting example.
Off-grid living is not about rejecting modern life.
It is about becoming more connected to the systems that support life.
An off-grid lifestyle often encourages:
Even a small garden changes the relationship between people and food.
Instead of food being something that simply appears in a store, people reconnect with:
Composting transforms waste into a resource.
Instead of:
Food scraps → landfill
the cycle becomes:
Food scraps → compost → soil → food
This mirrors the natural world.
Repairing, reusing, and maintaining items reduces the constant demand for new resources.
It challenges the idea that everything is temporary.
Renewable systems, efficient homes, and careful consumption encourage people to think about energy as a resource rather than something unlimited.
One person may not change the global climate alone.
But one person can restore a piece of the system.
Plant a tree.
Improve soil.
Grow food.
Repair something instead of replacing it.
Teach someone else.
Protect local ecosystems.
These actions may seem small compared with global problems, but ecosystems are built from countless small interactions.
A forest is not created by one tree.
It is created by millions of living relationships working together.
The future does not have to be a choice between technology and nature.
The best future may combine both.
Technology can help us:
But nature provides the foundation that technology depends on.
The goal should not be to control every natural process.
The goal should be to understand them well enough to work with them.
Perhaps the most advanced civilization is not the one that creates the most disposable things.
Perhaps it is the one that understands how to preserve, restore, and participate in the systems that make life possible.
Sometimes moving forward means remembering what we already knew:
The planet is not a warehouse of resources. It is a living system — and our survival depends on learning how to live within it.
