DJ Catlady is LIVE - link below join me!!!

 

DJ Catlady is LIVE - show starts @ pm PST
Join me for some hella fun this evening - I dare ya.....

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Into the Fire: The Lost Daughter - some thoughts on it

 

I will be adding to this post since it is quite complex.

The main thing I want to address this morning is something they kept repeating throughout the entire show. How could the wife stay with the killer and continue to support him knowing what he did?

Having been in a relationship quite similar I can shed some insight on this. The woman is love bombed to the point she feels so deeply in love that she is blind. When the abuse starts it is slow, always followed with more love bombing and how it is always her fault..... Many times his family is complicit in enabling the abuse and the fact that he cuts her off from anyone who might help her alienates her and makes her feel that she is completely dependent on him. 

The brainwashing is slow and methodical. She cannot survive without him. She is nothing without him. She has nowhere to go if she tries to leave. No man will ever want her the way he does. No one will ever love her the way he does. He didn't mean to hurt her, it was an accident. If she wasn't so stupid he wouldn't get so angry. 

I was lucky to get out after 20 years. For a long time I thought I would be trapped with him forever. 

Even with his lack of education, he only went to the 8th grade, his brainwashing was very effective. I was the wife in that show for a long time. His family also participated in the brainwashing, almost like a group effort. They were very effective at grooming me into thinking my only purpose was to take care of them.

You get to a point that you do anything to keep him from getting upset, keep him from hitting you..... But nothing is ever good enough. He always finds a reason to take out his frustrations on you - even if those frustrations were not caused by you. Bad day at work, bam. Not enough money for bills, bam. He always finds a reason to pick fights that end up physical. Then come the apologies and love bombing. 

It's for your own good. I really didn't mean to get so upset. I'm so sorry let me get some ice for that. You know you can't be seen like this, cover it when you go out. 

He is always jealous. At grocery stores he is always watching other men and accusing them of eyeing you, or accusing you of walking too sexy, looking too sexy. He refuses to allow you to wear make up except for him, in private. He doesn't want other men seeing how beautiful you are, that is only for him. 

The wife in the show had been programmed very effectively and was not strong enough to break that toxic bond. Thankfully I did. 

But to ask why she still supports him, it's because his programming was so complete she literally cannot exist without him. Even though he is in prison, she still has him in a weird way. His calls give her comfort and some hope they might be together again some day. I used to be her, a long time ago.....

I woke up though. I finally saw through the gaslighting, abuse and bullshit. As a mother I also made the hardest decision I could have ever imagined. I chose to get the kids out even though at that time I could not get away from. I knew I never wanted my kids to grow up thinking it was ok to be treated that way. I also did not want his abuse to turn on them. I did not want him setting that example for them. 

The hardest thing I have ever done in my life was to realize my children deserved better and I had to say goodbye to them in order to free them from the prison he was putting us in. The abuse got worse after that. He knew I knew where they were and I refused to tell him. 

No mother wants to be separated from their children, but I knew he would kill us all if I hadn't given them up when I did. So, I did what was best for them and then I stayed with him until they started turning 18. I figured since they were adults they could decide for themselves how they felt about everything. 

I live every day with the decisions I made back then. I have regrets but getting the kids out is not one of them. I only regret I was not a part of their lives. Because of him I missed out on a lot of things with them that I can never get back. Of course I love them with all of my heart and I always will. 

So, yes I fully understand the wife in the show and how deeply he was inside her head. As I write this I tremble..... I still fear the things he did to me and put me through. I worry the older kids may still have memories of seeing him abuse me and I pray they have long forgotten those. 

I got away in 2011 and here it is 13 years later and I still struggle with some things. I am working through it though. 

The wife in the show is similar to a cult member. In her case a tiny cult where he was the leader and she followed unconditionally. Women who have Battered Women's Syndrome can relate to just how deep he gets into her head. A great movie about this is called "The Burning Bed". Although that movie ends up with the wife killing her abuser, it still shows a good bit of what she goes through.

She does things and people ask why. There is no good answer because even she cannot answer why. All she knows is he wanted it so she obeyed without question because if she hadn't the beating would have been extreme. He could tell her to do something totally illegal and she would obey no questions asked. 

But to understand how he gets so deep into her head you must first understand it begins with him alienating her from everyone - literally everyone. 

More on that in the next part.........~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Evening Coffee Time

 

So, surgery is later this month and I am busting ass getting things prepped for being one handed again. Doc said this surgery means 3 extra weeks in a cast. Not happy with that but it is what it is.

I thought the cooler weather meant I would be able to get some outside stuff done. Nope, some jackass arsonist decides to choke us all on the smoke and cause good people to lose their home in the hills. Holding him criminally accountable isn't enough, but he has nothing to gain from a civil suit either. 

I have been doing some upgrades in the motorhome..... Got most of the carpet out of the bedroom and plenty of new kitty things in here. Bebe finally has a window hammock - which she will not use. Penny and Sister time share it. The boys have tunnels and I have 2 other window perches to put up. Gendry claimed the palm tree scratcher that I put in the bedroom.

It is frustrating that my wrist is still fucked up an entire year after being attacked. So much could have been done except being one handed - and all of my time was spent on someone else's animals....... It sucks because that someone didn't even appreciate everything, she felt entitled to have someone else house and care for her animals. She didn't care about my wrist even when she was told to make other arrangements for a helper in April so that I could get the surgery then. 

People who do not deal with chronic pain have zero idea of just how mentally and physically exhausting it is. It is not depression as one person keeps trying to tell everyone that I suffer from. That person has no degree but loves to makes mental health diagnoses. No, I am simply exhausted all the time. Some days I wake up and all I want to do is go right back to bed because the pain and the exhaustion. I have days I force myself to get things done because I feel upset that I am not getting it done in the time frame I had wanted. 

I am happy that things are quieter now that I have blocked several drama queens. The last one knows I run the scammers exposed group and was dropping demands about me making posts on certain people in animal rescue. I asked them for screenshots, of course they refuse to provide anything. Same song with the band that wanted these people posted. They do not like them therefore they must be slammed. Sorry but the scammers group requires proof of what you claim and you provided zero proof - just some names and accusations. I do not get paid to do any of the research or for spending my time hunting for things you could easily provide since you already have them. So if you wanna be pissed because I never posted them go right ahead. Your little band of hens does nothing but cluck and bully and that's precisely why I blocked all of you.

I have come to realize that people will not respect boundaries if you allow them to cross it once in a while. Then when you begin defending that boundary all of a sudden you are the bitch. My mental health and my happy place is more important to me than allowing you to continually disrespect me. I am not and never was the problem. I wrongfully allowed you to disrespect me and when I said enough you got pissy. It's all good you can take your pissy attitude and try it on others because I do NOT have to deal with it. 

So, while one wants to have everyone think I suffer some major depression, that is NOT my official diagnosis from a professional. My actual diagnosis is severe panic disorder - which is NOT even related to depression. Unless you have ever dealt with this disorder then you have no idea how it works. People suffering from it have to spend a lot of time learning what triggers panic attacks for them, because it is different for each person. Then we have to teach ourselves not to react to the triggers. It is not easy.... And people wonder why I live where I do...... No triggers out here!!!!! Made dealing with the panic disorder easier to get under control and handled.

I hear so many rumors about why I live out here and how I live. But, the peace from the triggers is amazing. There are no words for how much peace I have had since buying this land. Those who suffer panic disorder know exactly what I mean - even a few minutes of peace from the triggers is amazing.

I also know the roller-coaster of getting a proper diagnosis. As a child I was told it was ADD / ADHD...... They were wrong then. I was also told it was rapid cycling bi-polar. Again, they were wrong. None of the meds for any of those ever worked. They only made it worse. So, I do know the struggle of here try this, no let's try that...... But what works for me will not work as a cookie cutter solution for everyone. All I know is that it works for me.

So for those who like to chatter go ahead. I will be here plugging along and getting through each day the best that I can. It doesn't need to please you or make you happy. I was not put on this earth to please or serve you. I wasn't put here to do what you think is right for me. I am here to do what is right for me whether you like it or not.

I have been blessed the past few months and for that I am forever grateful. I am finding that I do have some true friends, ones who actually care. After being screwed over so many times it is refreshing to have a real friendship or two.

Tomorrow I will be doing an early radio show and the evening one. Be sure to tune in for both! Have a blessed night everyone!

Stacy and rent a wheel

I'm still being harassed by rent a wheel because Stacy put me down I guess as a reference or something I have no idea but they called yesterday I explained again they called again today and left a message 

Stacy needs to either turn those Wheels in or pay for them because this is getting to the point of harassment and her bills should not be calling me at all 

DJ Catlady is Live Now

 

DJ Catlady is live now!!!

Join me and let's have some fun!!

http://162.255.84.51:2199/start/desertheat

What Conservatives Really Feel About Abortion --- That No One Will Actually Say

 

What Conservatives Really Feel About Abortion --- That No One Will Actually Say

 

Conservatives are NOT against abortion and never have been. Although mainstream media would have you thinking they are. Conservatives do NOT want to take away women’s rights to choose on this matter.

 

What conservatives want, but will not say, is for PARENTS to educate their children to make better choices where sex is concerned so that abortion is NOT the go to birth control.

 

Conservatives want to see “sex education” rather than harmful procedures being done on girls as young as 11 years old. An abortion is a harsh procedure, even for an adult woman. Repeated abortions CAN prevent a woman from having a child later on.

 

I know because of 1 miscarriage and 1 preterm birth. The procedure is called a D&C and the recovery time is just as if you actually had a baby. I was told after the second one that I would likely never carry another child to term.

 

As a woman who 100% believes women should have full access to prenatal care – even the option of abortion – I fully understand what it can do to the female body. To see these spoof “trans” tik toks of men wanting to have a uterus transplanted so they can get pregnant and have an abortion is disgusting.

 

Conservatives simply want INFORMED CONSENT. To define what this means is not hard. Informed consent means the patient fully understands the full procedure and the effects it will have on their body. Conservatives also want parental involvement in any decision making of children who are not mature enough to give informed consent.

 

Conservatives do not want abortion as the go to birth control. We want to educate children so that abortion is not necessary. Prevent abortions from being needed and protect young women’s ability to have children in the future.

 

Conservatives also see something that disturbs us. The placement of abortion clinics…… Why is it in inner city areas that mainly service minority groups? Why is abortion being marketed there as the go to birth control? A simple 1 hour class for children could lower the number of abortion on children drastically!!!!

 

I always thought my mom was weird, odd and maybe a little nuts. She had “the talk” with me at the age of 8. She told me about my monthly cycle at the age of 6. I got mine early, I was 9 when I had the first flow. But, the important thing is that she talked to me and I actually listened. I first had sex at the age of 14 and thankfully never got pregnant! Our relationship was one where I felt comfortable enough to talk to her about the experience and she took me to the doc and got me on the pill (birth control pill). I took it religiously because I was a wild child. On that though, Mom did not set the best example…. She brought her boyfriends home. My teen years were the typical rebellious time, and I finally ran off at the age of 16 to get married.

 

I had friends who got pregnant, other girls I went to school with got pregnant and I saw how it affected their lives. I also know some teen pregnancies are the result of r@pe, incest or worse. I saw it all in middle school and high school. I think my generation was the first to offer young mother classes in school and the last to truly have a proper sex education class as part of the regular curriculum.

 

Teen pregnancies and abortion have risen dramatically in the last 2 decades simply because sex ed classes as electives and NOT required anymore and parents are no longer actually talking to their children. Today parents expect the public school system to raise their child and have neglected the most basic knowledge.

So, conservatives want parents to step up and educate their children before abortion is necessary.

 

Another thing, when Roe V Wade was overturned there was another thing overturned that was far more important. I wrote an article on it a while back it’s here on the blog. But to summarize, that rule allowed children as young as 12 to obtain an abortion WITHOUT parental consent or knowledge.

 

Now, the idea that a 12 year old gets pregnant for whatever reason, is worrisome. The idea they can walk into an abortion clinic and have a procedure that could affect their ability to have children in the future – without parental knowledge or consent – should be illegal. As parents it is our job to make sure our children are protected – not to stop the abortion, but to sit down with the child and make sure they understand every aspect of what it is.

 

Parents should make their child feel comfortable enough to discuss just about anything. Parents should also understand teenagers are going to mess around and the parent should be willing to provide birth control for said teenager. Give them condoms, help the girls get on the pill, talk to them about the actual dangers of having multiple partners. Be open with the child and make sure they understand they can be open with you.

 

Conservatives feel that children are being exploited by giving them the idea that abortion is the go to birth control because it nets the clinics a lot of money. They make more money doing a surgery than they ever would by handing out condoms and pills. Conservatives also see parental rights being eaten away a little more each day as the government keeps passing laws that give the government more control over the child.

 

Another thing about abortion conservatives want to change is the idea a child can get same day surgery. There is zero chance a child can make an informed decision on the spot and conservatives want the 24 hour wait period put back in place. This gives the child time to read about the procedure, research it and maybe even have a discussion with a parent or trusted adult. This is not to change their mind, it’s to give them chance to grasp the seriousness of the situation and be able to understand how it will affect them.

 

Our main issue is informed consent and the ability to make informed decisions on abortion. Abortion was never meant to be the go to birth control and planned parenthood needs to stop pushing it as such. Planned parenthood should help educate children so abortion can be avoided, not prescribed!!! But greed has prevailed and surgery pays more, at the expense of the young women being exploited…..

 

There you have a conservatives views on abortion. Know what we truly feel before you bash us saying we want to abolish abortion. We wish to protect a woman’s right to choose based on informed consent!!!!

 

Anyhow, have a blessed ay now I am off because I am quite sure FB will cyber spank me for having this opinion publicly……

 

Monday .....

 

Just when you think you have seen or heard it all, something comes along that blows your mind.

So, a friend of mine had hired Blaze, which I actually gave a good recommendation for. My personal issues with him do not negate the fact that he can be a good handyman. Blaze quit last month because he found out it is a friend of mine. 

Yesterday Blaze accused this friend of telling people where he moved to. The friend did not do so, until after Blaze sent him a very nasty text. 

This morning Blaze is threatening to "call the cops" on this friend who made a public post letting everyone know where Blaze supposedly moved to. The cops will only tell Blaze to get a restraining order - which there is no basis for one over one post that is not threatening. 

I think what we need to be asking is why Blaze doesn't want anyone to know where he moved to. What is he hiding from? What happened to his engagement? This is what needs to be answered.

We know he owes 2 ex-wives hundreds of thousands in back child support. We know his license is suspended over that back child support. We know his first wife said she is pursuing the back due support. We know there is a lot he is running from for sure.

We also know his pattern. He never lives on his own for long. He shacks up with any woman he can con into believing his lies. When she wakes up and kicks him to the curb she becomes the enemy, the bitch out to get him. I wonder who he is shacking up with today????

People need to ask why Blaze does not want his current friends in contact with people from his past. He goes to extreme lengths to keep them from talking to each other. Once he finds out they are talking to each other he turns on the woman like a rabid dog.

The funniest thing though, he accused my friend of feeding me information when he had Stacy doing the same thing for him! So, he likes to do it himself, but gets angry if he THINKS someone is feeding info about him to me. What a hypocrite.

What's also funny is he started going to church to convince his girlfriend he sincerely loved her..... That was a mask he could not maintain. I wonder if he keeps going in hopes of winning her back? I wonder if she finally woke up and sees him for what he is.... 

I wonder who he is blaming this time for his relationship falling apart and causing him to lose his free ride..... 

Enough wondering for today, things to do and I have had enough of him needing attention for one day :)

Have a blessed day everyone!

Surgery Date is Set

 

The surgery date is set. I am not posting it here until after I have the surgery. 

Some would use the info to trespass or steal, so for safety's sake I will post when I get home and post pix I take before & after the surgery.

It has definitely been a mental struggle knowing how it got reinjured and knowing it has been messed up since at least late March. My neuropathy is why the actual pain didn't kick in much until recently.

I am also prepping all the animals so it will be easier to handle things one handed. I do have reliable helpers this time thankfully! 

I hate having any surgery but I want my hand back. I want out of this brace. If you have never had a wrist brace you have no idea the struggle to get comfortable to sleep, or the achiness. It is such a PITA and interferes with my quality of life.

Pain can affect every aspect of your life. It makes a person grumpy, irritable, loss of appetite, weight loss, lack of proper sleep and so much more. The brain cannot process anything in a functional manner because it is focused on trying to stop the pain. 

Others have no idea what a person in this kind of pain is going through, unless they have had a similar experience. Those who haven't also have zero sympathy. Because you refuse them all of a sudden you are dirt, a bitch or worse. 

I am also sick of the lies being told all because SK refused to hear me when I explained my issue with the wrist in APRIL. She put me in a position where a choice had to be made and she did not like the results due to her lack of action. So, now I am all these things she keeps telling people and honestly, if they wish to believe it I have zero desire to convince them otherwise. 

I have heard some wild ass shit that I supposedly did.... Gee how did I do that with my wrist the way it is and has been since April? Common sense people really!! 

A person in this kind of pain plans their day around the level of pain that particular day. It sucks because it would be nice to have friends over, nice to go out to eat once in a while but because of the pain, all I want to do is take care of the animals then lay back down to elevate the wrist. 

There is little that helps the pain. So until the surgery I will likely be offline a good deal. Typing is painful and talk to text is psychotic for sure... OMFG you should see some of the shit it comes up with!!! 

Can I prove the wrist was reinjured around the end of March? Yep. My primary examined it and gave me a written order for the x-ray, the one I put off until a few weeks ago. It will be fixed soon and then maybe things will get back to normal.

Enough of my rambling tonight..... More another day :)

Personal Thoughts at 4 a.m.

 

People fear change. People fear that which is strange and different than they are. People fear the unknown.

Personally, I have shied away from change. The way I was brought up is far different than most, different than the area I live in and different than typical people my own age. 

I used to hate my mom for bringing me up that way. Not anymore though, what she taught me was priceless. 

She raised me to think for myself, research and ask questions. She encouraged my curiosity. She acted aloof most of the time, but now I know she had been watching. 

She taught me common sense and to realize common sense isn't so common anymore. 

She taught me more than I could ever commit to pages on a blog. 

One of the most important things she taught me was "waste not, want not". I have never felt the truth in those words more than I do today with everything happening in our society. 

With that I am heading back to bed to grab a few hours of sleep. More when I get back up!

My X-Ray and Morning Coffee Ramblings

 Below is my most recent x-ray....

The good news is nothing is broken and so far there is no nerve damage. 

But, as you can see it is severely dislocated and will require extensive surgery to put it back together right. 

It is easy to see how the bones are grinding on one another and have been for some time. You can see the inflammation in the x-ray. 

To say this is painful would be an understatement. The doctor also confirmed this likely happened months ago but because of my neuropathy it has only become unbearable in the last 2 months or so. 

SK said I only wore the brace for sympathy and there is nothing wrong with my wrist...... She knew in April that I needed this surgery and she refused to get reliable help for me for her horses....... So, I had to put this off until the horses were gone. Let's be glad she doesn't have a medical degree to make actual diagnoses!!!! 

Dealing with the fact that the fingers work, but the wrist doesn't has not been easy. It is deceptive to the brain for sure. At times I want to cry because the pain is so bad. Other times I want to scream because of the frustration that I can't do something. Then my brain goes on a mission to figure out how to do things under the circumstances.

No, it is not depression. Yes, I have a therapist and even she said it is not depression. It is a perfectly normal reaction to the injury and coping with it. 

The real issue I have in accepting this..... The doctor said that caring for the horses is likely what caused the dislocation. It didn't happen in one sudden instant. It is something that happened over time from pushing my body to do things it isn't supposed to be doing all because SK refused to accept the truth on this and actually find a helper. 

No, I am not bitter or mad about it. I knew I needed a 2nd surgery but it should not have been as extensive as what I now need. At least doc said it will be fixed for good this time and should not happen again. We can hope!!!

I am off now to attempt to get a few things done. Still several things to finish before surgery to make it easier for me to live one handed for a while.

Have a blessed day!