Evening Coffee Time

 

So, surgery is later this month and I am busting ass getting things prepped for being one handed again. Doc said this surgery means 3 extra weeks in a cast. Not happy with that but it is what it is.

I thought the cooler weather meant I would be able to get some outside stuff done. Nope, some jackass arsonist decides to choke us all on the smoke and cause good people to lose their home in the hills. Holding him criminally accountable isn't enough, but he has nothing to gain from a civil suit either. 

I have been doing some upgrades in the motorhome..... Got most of the carpet out of the bedroom and plenty of new kitty things in here. Bebe finally has a window hammock - which she will not use. Penny and Sister time share it. The boys have tunnels and I have 2 other window perches to put up. Gendry claimed the palm tree scratcher that I put in the bedroom.

It is frustrating that my wrist is still fucked up an entire year after being attacked. So much could have been done except being one handed - and all of my time was spent on someone else's animals....... It sucks because that someone didn't even appreciate everything, she felt entitled to have someone else house and care for her animals. She didn't care about my wrist even when she was told to make other arrangements for a helper in April so that I could get the surgery then. 

People who do not deal with chronic pain have zero idea of just how mentally and physically exhausting it is. It is not depression as one person keeps trying to tell everyone that I suffer from. That person has no degree but loves to makes mental health diagnoses. No, I am simply exhausted all the time. Some days I wake up and all I want to do is go right back to bed because the pain and the exhaustion. I have days I force myself to get things done because I feel upset that I am not getting it done in the time frame I had wanted. 

I am happy that things are quieter now that I have blocked several drama queens. The last one knows I run the scammers exposed group and was dropping demands about me making posts on certain people in animal rescue. I asked them for screenshots, of course they refuse to provide anything. Same song with the band that wanted these people posted. They do not like them therefore they must be slammed. Sorry but the scammers group requires proof of what you claim and you provided zero proof - just some names and accusations. I do not get paid to do any of the research or for spending my time hunting for things you could easily provide since you already have them. So if you wanna be pissed because I never posted them go right ahead. Your little band of hens does nothing but cluck and bully and that's precisely why I blocked all of you.

I have come to realize that people will not respect boundaries if you allow them to cross it once in a while. Then when you begin defending that boundary all of a sudden you are the bitch. My mental health and my happy place is more important to me than allowing you to continually disrespect me. I am not and never was the problem. I wrongfully allowed you to disrespect me and when I said enough you got pissy. It's all good you can take your pissy attitude and try it on others because I do NOT have to deal with it. 

So, while one wants to have everyone think I suffer some major depression, that is NOT my official diagnosis from a professional. My actual diagnosis is severe panic disorder - which is NOT even related to depression. Unless you have ever dealt with this disorder then you have no idea how it works. People suffering from it have to spend a lot of time learning what triggers panic attacks for them, because it is different for each person. Then we have to teach ourselves not to react to the triggers. It is not easy.... And people wonder why I live where I do...... No triggers out here!!!!! Made dealing with the panic disorder easier to get under control and handled.

I hear so many rumors about why I live out here and how I live. But, the peace from the triggers is amazing. There are no words for how much peace I have had since buying this land. Those who suffer panic disorder know exactly what I mean - even a few minutes of peace from the triggers is amazing.

I also know the roller-coaster of getting a proper diagnosis. As a child I was told it was ADD / ADHD...... They were wrong then. I was also told it was rapid cycling bi-polar. Again, they were wrong. None of the meds for any of those ever worked. They only made it worse. So, I do know the struggle of here try this, no let's try that...... But what works for me will not work as a cookie cutter solution for everyone. All I know is that it works for me.

So for those who like to chatter go ahead. I will be here plugging along and getting through each day the best that I can. It doesn't need to please you or make you happy. I was not put on this earth to please or serve you. I wasn't put here to do what you think is right for me. I am here to do what is right for me whether you like it or not.

I have been blessed the past few months and for that I am forever grateful. I am finding that I do have some true friends, ones who actually care. After being screwed over so many times it is refreshing to have a real friendship or two.

Tomorrow I will be doing an early radio show and the evening one. Be sure to tune in for both! Have a blessed night everyone!