Accountability or Lack Thereof

 

I have listened to my younger sister berate me for decades. I have endured her false beliefs and lies for long enough. She literally gets pissed because she claims I do not take accountability for things in my past. She doesn't have a clue!

 

While she is screaming and demanding that I take accountability, she fails to accept her part in the downfall of my marriage. There I finally said it out loud! 

 

Let's go back in time a bit. In the late 80's I married, had a child and then divorced quickly. I lived with my mom and younger sister until I met my second husband, the abusive one. It is here where this issue of accountability must begin.

 

My sister and my daughter bonded immediately. My daughter fell in love with my mom and my mom pretty much raised her to the age of 4 while I worked long hours and sometimes 2 jobs at a time. To hear my sister tell this though, she claims I did nothing but draw welfare and sit on my ass.  I could list every job I held back then but there is no need. I worked. I paid taxes and yes, I got a pittance of welfare and food stamps.

When I met my second husband and moved in with him this upset my sister and my daughter. The two of them conspired a plan that they hoped would get my daughter placed with my mom. My sister convinced my daughter to lie on her step father. 

Keep in mind there was ZERO abuse of any kind until the two of them perpetrated this lie. I have often wondered what life may have been like had the two of them not done this.

My daughter lied and said my husband hit her in the face with a pink, plastic flyswatter. This was 1993. CPS did remove her, but left the rest of the kids. Their entire premise was because he was her step father he treated her different. This lie was the bomb that nuked my second marriage and not only destroyed the marriage, but affected the five younger children as well, even though CPS did not include them in the case concerning my oldest daughter.

When my sister realized there was no hope of CPS placing my oldest daughter with my mom, her bitterness towards me went so much farther. 

 

Because of this lie, for seven years we dealt with CPS until I finally allowed my oldest daughter to go be with her biological father. My husband was found guilty after paying over $18,000 to an attorney who did not bother to put on a defense, even though we had plenty of evidence to proe the allegations were false. 

 

Before he had to report to the jail, my husband suggested the unthinkable. He was a man pushed to the brink over false allegations and then being convicted of something he did NOT do. Keep in mind, after the way he treated me I would not cover for his ass if he was drowning, but in this matter I stood on the side of the truth and got accused of choosing a man over my child.

 

 Before he had to report to jail to serve his sentence he suggested murder- suicide. Keep in mind, my youngest son was 8 months old and still breastfeeding. He was dead serious though. Looking back now I can see how the lie my sister and daughter concocted pushed him to this point. I forced him to give up our five children in order to keep them safe.

The real abuse began after I convinced him to sign the paperwork to terminate our rights and allow the foster parents to adopt them. All five were kept together, as I had begged the judge to do. In 2003, when we signed those papers, the abuse went from bad to worse. 

But, this man had not once been cruel to me or the children until the lie began. This man treated me like a queen until my daughter and my sister conspired to lie about him. 

What I want to know is when my sister will take accountability for this lie, tell the truth about the whole issue and take accountability for her part in destroying my marriage and the lives of my five other children. 

My sister screams about accountability, well girl, let's hear it. Why, would you be so selfish as to NOT see how that lie would affect so many lives or how that lie pushed a good man into being a monster???

Maybe you aren't capable of taking accountability..... Maybe you are too selfish to see what your lie has done...... Mom knew what you and my daughter cooked up....... She heard the two of you on the phone planning it....... So did Ruth and Paul.......

It was not your place to like or hate my choice of a husband. It was not your place to destroy that family. You keep talking about the fucking one time you EVER helped me financially with a whopping $75, well how much did you cost me?!?!?!

I never got to see any of my children graduate. I never got to see them go to their prom. I never got to see them go on their first date, get married, have kids, NOTHING. Why? Because of a little lie back in 1993 that set our paths on a collision course that we never recovered from!

You cannot even admit how you hated the five younger children! How they wanted their aunt to love them though and you couldn't even give them hugs!

 

I know I will never have the answer to why you did this, I have come to accept that. I am not even sure you can explain why in a way that you would be able to accept. I have long since forgiven you for the lie so that I could move forward with life. 

 

But, have you forgiven yourself? Have you even recognized the need to? 

 

Just once I would like to hear you actually admit the two of you cooked up the lie. My daughter already has. You are the only one still denying it.  

Just once I want to see you stand up and admit what you did and take some accountability for it.

There off my soap box now I have work to do today....