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Monday, February 13, 2023

Same Shit Different Day


I have been quiet about some things for a long time. I have put my wants and needs on hold for others for a long time. I have listened to those same people accusing me of being mental, selfish and bitchy for a long time.


So, if you take this post personally then if the shoe fits wear it. I have also listened to those same people's bullshit for a long time so if you take this post personally then you can also leave your remarks in the comments section because I have listened to the bullshit for a long time and frankly am sick of it.


 In 2020 I was pressured into renting to someone that I was told was such a good man of God. This turned out to be so far from the truth and he tried to terrorize me until I was finally able to evict him. He was paranoid, a thief, he gaslighted me on a daily basis and left a total disaster at one end of my property that I still need to finish cleaning up.

Others have come and gone, each with their own issues. Sondra was off her meds to the point that her own son got a restraining order against her! But it was when she asked me if her son would get my property is something happened tome that really made me understand she need to go! Susie drank and wanted a man, she took off with the neighbor after being warned that it wasn't a good idea. But the booze and a man to pay her car note was more important and she ended up losing that car to repo anyways. 

When someone with addiction tries to con someone who is clean somehow the person who is clean is always portrayed as the bad guy in the situation. But, that is not always how things actually are. The addicted person just shouts louder than the clean person because the clean person has better things to do than try to win an argument with someone who cannot even hear them.

I have opened my door and my property to those in need almost since the day I got this property. I have dealt with verbal abuse, disrespect, extreme stress and so much more in doing so. I am sick of hearing what these people want or need on a daily basis when they refuse to hear what I want or need.

I have worked my ass off gathering materials for projects and those projects get put on hold because others want or need this or that and they want it right this minute. It doesn't matter that the materials do not belong to them, they feel entitled to demand use of them.When I say no the shouting, feet stomping, door slamming and temper tantrums begin. Sometimes it is easier to give in, but I have give in far too long and the minute I stand up and give a firm no I am the bitch!

For those who are not aware, when a person gives in this is a sign of an abuse victim trying to avoid the abuse. I call it like it is. Shouting and screaming to get your way IS a form of emotional and verbal abuse. When the recipient gives in it is a protection mechanism to avoid or end the abuse for the moment because the recipient KNOWS it is only a matter of time before it will be something else.

I was told that I am expected to understand that this person cannot control the volume of their voice or the tone. I am expected to understand their bi polar causes this and I am expected to accept it and deal with it. How can I do that when verbal outbursts happen on a near daily basis and this person cannot respect me, in my home, when asked not to scream or shout and to use a normal tone of voice when we are attempting to have an adult conversation? This person demands everyone understand that this is they way they are, but they have zero respect for anyone else. This person fails to realize respect is earned, not given.

This person refuses to see a doctor and get a proper diagnosis. This person uses pot to "control" the bi polar. This person also drinks up to 8 cans of Pepsi a day and if they run out literally goes into withdraws which they claim is a hypoglycemic attack and I am expected to drop whatever I am doing to run to the store so they can get more Pepsi. If I don't the pity party begins. Withdrawal is not pretty. A person trembles and has every symptom of hypoglycemia while the body is not getting the sugary drink it is craving. But it is not hypoglycemia, nor is it an emergency for me because that person did not plan ahead and purchase enough of their Pepsi so that their perceived emergency was not pushed off on someone else.

I highly doubt the person has bi polar. It is highly likely their body is caught in a cycle of what is commonly known as speed balling. This is when a person uses an upper and then a downer. The upper in this case is the Pepsi, loaded with caffeine and sugar which in turn sets the person on a basic sugar high, followed by the pot which is the downer. Since they have been doing this for over a decade it is easy to see how they might feel this is bi polar and not want to see a doctor now because they would be forced to admit that their lifestyle choices are the entire problem with their inability to control their own behavior.

When this person first arrived to my property they stayed with me in the upstairs part of my camper. They insisted on getting the tent depicted in many pictures I have posted this past year even though they were advised against it due to the winds out here. This person left my upstairs a disaster, that they had promised to straighten up but was too busy too. This person stayed in the tent about a month and then moved into my little RV. They stayed in that about a month until they bought their own camper. When they moved from my RV into their camper they left my RV a disaster of nastiness and tried to blame it on my cousin who had just left to Washington state to stay with his brother so he could get his eye surgery. If the RV was that dirty didn't this person clean it before they moved into it?!?! Now, the tent area was a disaster, now my RV was a disaster and there was a growing trail of garbage and scrap coming out of this person's camper they just bought and moved into.

This person was also too busy or didn't feel well to clean up the messes they were making. Even after a wind storm came through and lifted the tent, twisted it and shredded it they were unwilling to even make and effort to clean up that area. The tent was put up February of 2022. It is a year a later and somehow I am the bitch because I have asked and begged for this to be dealt with and the person always has other things to do. When this person was informed the mold / mildew odor was so overwhelming the area needed cleaned immediately, they came and wrapped up the green tent and left it sitting right right it was - in a wet ball of nastiness instead of actually cleaning anything.

This person has helped me with a few things, until he got a helper and then he would send the helper. While I was down with the foot injury, then the foot surgery, then the second surgery on the same foot - down over a year - this person promised me certain things would be done, including cleaning up their own area and picking up their own trash that has been blown all over the place. Instead of that happening I have been forced to watch more crap piling up while I have been unable to address it myself.

During this time, this person has been unable to manage their finances properly enough to purchase necessary things, but seems to be able to make frivolous purchases and then expect others to help them out without any repayment. This person also thinks they should not have to pay rent "if" they are helping out around here. Please reference the pictures I just posted to Facebook over the last couple of days as their way of helping out. When messes such as that are made and left for me to deal with then it should be reflected in the rent. I have to put my chores on hold to clean up their messes, or incur the expense of hiring someone else to clean it up. But some how I am the bitch because I think a grown ass person should keep the area they live in reasonably clean and NOT like depicted in the pictures I posted.

This person doesn't care what my plans or wishes are for the property I busted my ass to pay off. This person has their own ideas and thinks they are entitled to their ideas being the only ideas that are relevant. If I say no then this person makes sure nothing gets done because the temper tantrums start and do not end until they get their way. Keep in mind this person is over 30 years old. 

I do not think it is unreasonable to ask a person to respect the opportunity they have been given when I allowed them to reside on the property. I do not think it is unreasonable to ask this person to keep their mental issues in check - see a doctor and get some treatment so others are not forced to suffer on the emotional roller coaster this person is presently choosing to ride. I do not think it is unreasonable to expect this person to take some financial responsibility and learn how to manage their budget so that they are able to get through the month. 


I wish this person could see how their behavior affects those around them. All of this because they want to get a puppy and before I could finish a sentence this person assumed the end of that sentence was that I was against getting a puppy! The end of the sentence was if they wanted to get a puppy then they could be financially responsible enough to purchase their own kennel for said puppy because I have put my plans for my kennels on hold long enough by allowing others to use those kennels. Now that they are all empty, I am going forward with my plans for my kennels. THAT was the end of the sentence I never got to say because this person began shouting at me - in my own home - stomping their feet, shoving and slamming my door while screaming as they stomped away.


This person also called ME childish. I never even raised my voice to them during this conversation. But, this person is rarely capable of having a conversation that ends up with them not getting what they want. 


This person is now mad because I have finally had enough of being bullied, verbally and emotionally abused by them. Now, this person tries to blame me for everything, but this is par for the course when an abuser finally loses the control they once had over the person they were abusing. 


Why is it when a person finally stands up for themselves, the person they stand up to plays the victim? 


I can cry victim, but I allowed this person to run over me for a year while I was down with major left foot issues. In November 2021 I suffered a massive injury to the top of my left foot that left me barely mobile. In April 2022 I had foot surgery. While recovering from that the screw the doctor put in that foot decided to come unscrewed leaving me in excruciating pain. A second foot surgery was done November 2022 and now I am more mobile, but still have extreme pain if the foot is bumped or it gets too cold. Being the independent person that I am, not being mobile for a year did not help my demeanor. Yes I was grumpy, yes I was snippy, yes I was hard to get along with at times. I was fighting an inner battle to force the foot to heal so that I could be independent and mobile again.


Now that I am more mobile and not allowing this person to keep up with the bad behavior they want to play the victim. I did not make the messes depicted in the photos I took. It should not be my responsibility to clean them up, nor should I be forced to incur a financial hit to hire someone to clean it up.  I should not have to table my responsibilities to deal with someone else's lack of responsibility.

I gave in when this person demanded to be allowed to move into a nicer motor home on the property. It did not matter to this person that said motor home was in a legal dispute, they actually began moving their stuff into it until I did throw a fit and make them wait until I had contact with the registered owner of it. Now I fear that motor home will be in the same condition as the tent area and the area around the camper they moved out of. The yard is already a hot mess. 

Now, I am left with the task of removing another problem person from my property and the mess they will leave behind. This is not the dream or vision I had for this property when I worked so hard to pay it off. This person doesn't even care that they have destroyed my faith in wanting to help people because they are the last in a long line of people who have disrespected the opportunity they had here. 

I do not have to be forced to ride someone else's emotional roller coaster simply because they refuse to get it medically treated so that it doesn't derail the people around them. I do have a choice in that matter and I have finally chosen to get off that roller coaster. That is a problem for this person, they think I have no choice in the matter because they basically told me as much. I was expected to know they had control issues and I was expected to understand and deal with it. Sorry, I am not going to deal with it because it is their medical issue to get medically treated for and their refusal to do so puts me in a position that I have to cut ties with them until such a time that they do get it under control. They do not have a right to derail my life with their failure to control their mental issues.

Their own texts to me are laughable. They have called me childish, mental among other things. At least I am seeing my doctors regularly. I have a therapist and a psy doctor. I have even done the genetic evaluation that I get the results for later this week to make sure I am on the right medications on the right dosages! I am doing the medical work to keep myself on track on no one has a right to derail my work and progress simply because they refuse to do the work on their own medical issues!

I really don't ask much of a person who lives out here. But I am done begging for this person to clean up after themselves and have a little respect for me. 

Ok I am off the soap box for now I have chores to get done today and a long week to prep for. I see the Chiro later this week, so looking forward to some snap, crackle, pop action!










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