Update on Help for the Kids

 Posting here because FB has a character limit and it's easier.....

Ok, I cannot sleep so I am posting this update tonight. I have been so sleep deprived the last two weeks that my days are running together so forgive me if I get a day wrong, it will be chronologically correct, even if I misspeak a day. All donations will be going to Grandma NOT the parents….. after reading this you will understand why. Please read it all the way through, I know it is long but when I am sleep deprived I tend to be wordy, sorry.

 

So, I have known “Evan” for a few years. Obviously not his real name. I have known his wife “Becky” almost as long. I met them both through my work with animal rescue. Seems like I am his first call any time he has a crisis or needs something…..

I have also known something was not right with his little family. I couldn’t figure it out until the last few days though. He moved way too much. He spent way too much time running the roads when he should have been out arranging autistic services for his son. He would SAY he was heading to those appointments then always have an excuse as to why he never made it to them.

What I noticed most though was his animals kept “disappearing”. He claimed he rehomed them…..That was not the case, and it became apparent over a kitten named Leo. I helped him get Leo neutered and when Leo got “injured” helped him arrange the vet care. Leo wasn’t even a year old when he called me and asked if I wanted some “cat stuff”. I said sure never hurts to have it. When I saw that it was Leo’s stuff I asked him what happened to Leo.

The first story was the evening he dropped Leo’s stuff off….. Leo is gone. No explanation, nothing. Just gone. I let it go that night but it bothered the hell out of me. The second story I was told was a lie. It was Evan lining up his wife so he could claim she had PPD (Post Partum Depression) because he planned to take custody from her. His second story was that Becky killed Leo. No mention of how it happened though. I knew this could not be true because Becky rescues animals and has loved cats since she was little. She would never kill one intentionally. But I did not argue with him about it.

Evan also did some volunteer work for our rescue for the welfare program. This was last year before he moved to Kingman. He has accused ME of setting him up for fraud, but that was all his doing. Evan took it upon himself to fill out the time sheets, sign another board member’s name to them and then submit them. He signed their Facebook name though, not their legal name. The worker called me, who had zero idea Evan had done this, so I got her in contact with the other board member who was furious to say the least. But Evan sees that as ME setting him up for fraud. Sorry but he is the one who wanted his sheets filled out but never wanted to actually do the work. Much like his wife became an IHSS worker so she would get paid to take care of her son, which if what I have witnessed is what she calls care….. Hell no!

Evan was pissed because he lost gas money and other “income” over the fact he forged someone’s signature to his forms. So, we didn’t speak for a while until the next time he needed something.

I got a call, Evan is frantic. He is at an animal shelter trying to adopt a dog. However, they flat refused to allow him to because Becky had been calling stating that if they allowed Evan to take the dog Evan would kill it. His story though was that she said SHE would kill it. Again, laying out this PPD plan long before the baby was even born. Kudos to Becky though for getting Evan blacklisted from every shelter in 2 states! Yep, her call did that.

Then his calls get downright weird. Becky is suicidal. Becky doesn’t want the baby. Becky is drinking and smoking pot while pregnant. Becky is doing strange stuff, and he is afraid of her. Of course, as a friend I was concerned because I had no idea what to think or believe since I couldn’t talk directly to Becky. Evan doesn’t allow Becky to speak to anyone without him reading every message, having her phone on speaker, etc. She cannot even be alone with the girls for a coffee date or anything like that.

Now I was aware of past DV incidents between them, however it came from him. He claims he did his time, did the classes and hasn’t hurt her since. I now know this was a lie. Again, things only coming to light in the last few days.

I also found it odd that he was constantly in a different vehicle. He claims that’s how he makes money buying cars, fixing them up and selling them. This is also not true. He flips cars so often because neither him nor Becky have a valid driver’s license. He also uses his autistic son’s SSI check to buy these cars. So, right now they are driving around with the 8 year old in a car that likely has no insurance and without a license.

I only learned in the last few days that he has had her arrested before on DV charges. This last incident he tried to lie and forgot I had the proof in text messages. He had the kids in Kingman and both were squealing. He calls me claiming Becky took off and they had a fight. He didn’t know what to do. He described everything even that she pulled a knife on him and he had a photo of it. He said he feared her coming home. He played it up good that’s for sure.

When she did return I get another call from him. She had gone in the bedroom and was messing with the electrical panel. He said when he tried to approach her to figure out what she was doing she made him leave the room and locked the door so he couldn’t get back in.  At this point the call dropped so I texted him. I said “have you called the cops or do you want me to?” He asked me to and I reminded him that I did not have the address so he texted it to me. Yes, I called explaining what he had told me, never knowing it was all lies and he was further setting her up. Yes, she pulled a knife out, yes he took a photo of that. But that was the story he wanted us to believe is that Becky was so far off the rails she was ready to kill herself or someone else. Dispatch had me stay on the line with them since he had called on the other phone so it was like a three way call. Once they arrived the deputy had him hang up so I only know his story of what occurred, which likely is not fully true.

Yes, Becky was arrested and only got out of jail a few days ago. Yes, he left Kingman and stayed in his van with his son instead of the safe housing that was arranged. No, keeping Becky away from the kids was NEVER part of the deal, we insisted she be a part of their life. This is where things got weird again….

Evan refused to let his son out of his sight, but seemed to care less about the baby. Yes, I cared for the baby for several days. When he handed her to me it was with one onesie, one receiving blanket, her milk, a pack of diapers, one pack of wipes and a pacifier. Yeah that’s it and the nipple and nipple ring had not been washed in who knows how long and she only had one. The bottles were the ones the formula came in, not the bottles for reuse. No socks, no hand mittens, no nail clippers and she desperately needed her nails trimmed.

When she had an oops and needed a clean onesie it was like asking for a kidney. I had to ride him for hours before the clean clothes were brought. Once they were brought over, 4 onesies, 2 of them were too small, very tight on her. The receiving blanket was filthy. He kept complaining that he needed to do laundry. He also said the clothes had been “donated”. This was when I made the post requesting help. It was obvious Evan had little to nothing for the baby or his son and he promised he would go pick things up. I would give him the contact info of the person who reached out and I am not sure he even bothered to contact any of them.

Evan would say he was on his way to go get things and then when asked where it was he had a long story of ending up in Orange County for some appointment for housing. Also a lie. I found out he had gone to his mother’s house instead of handling any business. I also told him the formula was making the baby have the runs she needed a different formula. He never got any. Not only that his paranoia was driving me bats. He would call almost every hour to hour and a half. Those calls would briefly mention the baby, but were more about how he had to get his welfare set up. I would remind him about the milk and need for baby clothes / receiving blankets. He kept changing the subject.

When he first left Kingman to head out here it should have been a 5 hour drive tops, even with two young kids. It took near 9 hours for the trip. He claimed he had to go to a storage unit in Fort Mojave to grab some of the kids stuff and drop some stuff off. He had very little for the kids when he got here though…… His trip to his storage unit in San Bernadino, which he was also supposed to go to the welfare office took over 12 hours and he never returned with anything for the baby, nor did he stay very long. Claimed he needed to get things done. All the while he has his 8 year old son in the van, in this heat doing lord knows what because he never once addressed the business he needed to.

Evan also asked me which courthouse he needed to go to in order to file for custody. I explained that is family court, which is in San Bernadino. He had told multiple people he was filing for custody and would only give Becky supervised visits. He claimed he wanted to get it filed before she got out of jail. I had assumed this might have been what he was doing when he claimed to be handling business. I still have no clue if he actually did any of that paperwork. But he did ask me if I would help him fill it out. But he never brought the paperwork by for me to help him.

Keep in mind that while I was caring for the baby, he was also blowing up my phone with calls and texts. Each time it would wake the baby up, and he would be told to TEXT so he didn’t wake her up. He never honored that, just called and most calls were literally about nothing. He consumed my time, literally. I can imagine how Becky felt and presently feels. Having been a DV survivor myself I see now exactly what he is doing. Evan also told me that Becky wanted to speak to me when she got out, she wanted to apologize is what he said. (Remember this because he changed his story less than 24 hours later).

Evan had originally planned to leave Becky in jail and if she did get out he was not going after her because there would be a no contact order. He lied about that too. The night before she got out of jail he went back to Kingman, with his son and claims to have emptied the storage unit in Fort Mojave and then rented a hotel room so he could attend court via telephone the next morning. Becky got out and he picked her up.

It was the same day I turned the baby over to Becky’s mother. How that came to be is not really important, but the fact the baby is safe and not a part of his BS is what matters. I am not using the children’s names to keep them protected. So, around lunch the day Becky is released is when the baby was delivered to Becky’s mom. I was told to tell him a story, so I did. I said I was exhausted and needed to do some outside things I couldn’t have the baby out in the heat to do. Not totally a fib, all of it was true, but it wasn’t the baby that was exhausting me it was his constant calling and never asking about the baby. I can post the call logs to prove how often he called…..I ended up missing a couple of important calls because I finally set the phone in do not disturb mode.

So, around 3 pm the day Becky is released he calls to say he is heading over, they were still in Kingman and should be here in a couple of hours. So I tell him I am gonna nap and I had an alarm set to text after that call. I made it very clear that I was gonna nap because that evening I had planned to work outside when it cooled off. That call was a normal call. The ones following it got very weird.

Right before 4 pm his next call came in, yes less than 45 minutes after being told to text he called. I did not set it on do not disturb because I was expecting a call later on in the evening that I did not want to miss. So, I kind of chew him out for waking me up. He tells me they have “battery issues” and would be a little later than he said. I was like ok so you had to wake me up for that? (Something my abusive ex used to was deliberately wake me up). So, I try to go back to sleep without any luck.

Around 6ish Evan calls again and he is frantic, paranoid and downright odd. His voice is raised and he seems like he is trying to convince Becky that it was my request that she come out so the three of us could talk. I was like um, no you said she wanted to talk. He raised his voice even more insisting it was my idea. Some of what he said made no sense I couldn’t understand it since he was practically screaming. Then he went into a spew about me trying to set him up for welfare fraud over the issue when he signed another board members name to his welfare time sheets, without my knowledge or the other board members permission. I ended up hanging up.

I was uneasy and really did not want him coming. He was acting weird. The next call convinced me I might need help. The next call he repeated the same stuff, swearing it had been my idea for Becky to come and that was never the plan. What I had suggested was that me and a couple of friends take the 8 year old for the night and the next day so he and Becky could have some alone time to figure out what they wanted to do. That was what I suggested but he lied to Becky and then tried to lie about what I said. It was his tone of voice that truly scared me.

By this point Becky’s mom and I had been communicating after the baby was delivered to her. I sent her a message that they were on their way and I had told him not to bring the attitude here it was not welcome. I also told him to come deputy assist because his tone made me feel unsafe. He did NOT honor either request. So, Becky’s mom called the sheriff, who then called me. I was on the phone with them explaining the danger I felt when he pulled in.

Evan came to the window, I told him I was on the toilet and would be out in a few. He kept creeping around the window like he was trying to hear what I was saying. It was near 9 pm by this point. I had finally stalled him as long as I could so I put my dagger in my pocket and went out, knowing the sheriff was en route.

Becky’s mom had also texted her the sheriff was coming. He was more worried about the sheriff than he was about watching his 8 year old in the dark. He was also more worried about being caught with the baggie of weed than he was about tending to his son, who is NOT potty trained and had a wet pull up. The son was also begging for water, which neither of them would get.

Becky hid the weed, but appeared that she had already smoked because she seemed quite high and he was super paranoid, even before the sheriff was called. This is where SBCSD totally failed. Two cars arrived, two deputies. Evan had positioned himself between the deputies and his van. They never tried to speak to any of us alone, nope. They took his word that things were alright and then left. Not once did they pick up on hand signals I was trying or the eye contact. I am so disappointed in their failure that night.

After the sheriff left I had to remind them to change their son before they took off to Orange county. They finally left, but to where who knows since he lies all the time and he may be running from CPS. I had that feeling from the first day he arrived from Kingman, that he was running from something.

Becky’s mom has filed for guardianship of both of the kids. She has filed an ex parte and has emergency custody, which means by law they have to turn the 8 year old over to her, and they won’t. Text messages (which I had Becky’s mom do so she had it in writing) prove they only want the kids for the benefits from the state.

The text barrage the next morning proved this fact and that they wanted items they had no need of. What Evan did not know is that Becky’s mom and I were on the phone with each other during the text barrage. Becky asked her mom “how are we supposed to get housing without the kids?” This shows they are not willing to work (and both are physically able to and she has an education). Not once in either text conversation did they ask about the baby, not once. Instead he was concerned about the car seat and diaper bag, wanted to know if he could come get them. He was told multiple times those items went with the baby but he kept insisting he wanted to come get them. He did not have the baby and had zero need of the items it made no sense unless he wanted to sell them. Becky told her mom that Evan purchased those items after she had gone to jail. Does this mean the baby had no car seat or diaper bag prior to her being arrested? If so, what happened to the one she came home from the hospital with?

When Becky’s mom asked how the 8 year old was their answer was strange. “He is not suffering” was the reply. Ok, they are homeless, living out of their small van in this heat. They are also broke. Their ONLY income is the 8 year old’s SSI check, which Evan admitted the night before had all been spent. He had even asked if Becky could do her community service hours for the rescue and maybe her welfare hours. He was frantic about how he was going to get more money the night before.

Becky’s mom tried reasoning with them that the kids did NOT need to be drug around all day in this heat living out of the van. She pushed for Evan and Becky to bring the 8 year old to get him out of the situation. They refused. They still have the 8 year old and refuse to say where they are because they know they have to turn him over to the grandma.

This is where we are today. Some may think I am a bitch for letting grandma take the baby, but it is not that simple. I had no choice. Looking at the situation as it is now, she is safe and not living in a van in this heat, she is also with the woman who raised her brother. Evan and Becky did not raise the 8 year old. They had little to do with him until he was diagnosed with autism and got his SSI. Then they demanded him and his autism went downhill from there.

Evan and Becky do not keep the boy in school. They never get his services that he is entitled to, arranged. The only “service” they make sure he gets is IHSS, where Becky is paid to care for her own son! Instead they move from district to district hoping the problems do not catch up to them. They take advantage of the fact that none of the school districts talk to each other, nor do the social workers. When people begin asking why he has not been in school, poof they move. This is NOT the first time they have moved like this without a new place lined up. This is not the first time they have lived out of their vehicle since I have known them. But it should be the last time they drag the kids through it, especially since we have excessive heat warnings.

I understand a parent not wanting to be away from the child. I get it. But as a parent some difficult choices have to be made when it is in the child’s best interest. I have never seen anyone cling to a child over a check as tightly as these two do with the 8 year old. Which is funny because they do NOT parent him either. I have seen both of them sitting on their behind totally ignoring the boy even when he was begging for water. He is not fully nonverbal, but his speech is limited. Becky seems so disinterested in him he seems to cease to exist for her. Evan yells at him a lot, when he does actually pay attention to him.

Neither of them realize they can get housing without the kids, there are tons of resources available to help them get on their feet and stay there. Evan seems to like this way of living though because it keeps happening. But it is no way for a three week old baby to live, one that would be stuck in a car seat without a head support. (The car seat he dropped off with me had zero head support I had to make one out of a towel).

As I said before, some may not agree with how all of this went down, but the baby absolutely did not need to be homeless in this heat. Becky’s mom was more than willing to allow Becky over to spend time with the baby but Becky refuses to come without Evan, who burned out his welcome at grandma’s house a long time ago. Also, if Becky had not wanted her mom involved in the kids lives why then would she send their social cards, SSI paperwork etc to the house? It is also the address Becky gave to the court as to where she would be residing when she got out of jail. Obviously she isn’t living there. The same day she got out of jail, the evening Evan flipped out on me on the phone, Becky had already committed several violations of her release agreement.

Now the texting with grandma continued after all of this. I had told Evan to stop contacting me the day after Becky got out. But the texts with grandma continued. Grandma laid out some ground rules which I feel are more than fair, and about what CPS would demand if there was an ongoing case. She wants them to get housing (obviously), jobs, do drug testing and get their driver’s licenses. Their response to that blew my mind. They told her to keep the baby they would not do these things. This tells me they are more interested in running the roads, doing their drugs (which grandma and I both suspect is more than just MJ). But they currently are subjecting the 8 year old to all of this.

Then today I get a call from a number I do not recognize and I actually answered it instead of letting it go to voicemail. It was Evan. He wanted info on the “recovery groups” on Facebook. I asked why. He had wrecked the van, apparently pretty bad since the van was now overheating and he said the frame was bent. He wanted to see if the recovery group would bring a chain and help him pull the frame out straight. I explained he needed a mechanic not the recovery groups, then he tells me they are stuck on the highway (refused to tell me where) with the 8 year old in a nonfunctioning van in this heat!!!! So now not only are they homeless, now they do not have the van’s air conditioning either.

I will check the recovery groups or if someone else is in them, please check for a post about a broken van with what I described above. He may delete his post if he finds out people are looking for it. But the 8 year old needs help. He should not be forced to suffer like this because his parents are being idiots. Had the baby been with them she may have died in the wreck or from the heat!

Oh yeah, baby never got her two week check up or her four week one. Grandma is scheduling that and getting it handled though. The 8 year old has not seen any medical professional in over two years. They refuse to keep up appointments. The only appointments the parents keep are the required ones to keep the SSI and welfare!!! They have also abandoned their small dog too. It is being fostered right now and in text they actually said to find it another home. This is a dog the 8 year old has grown up with since the dog is the same age.

This entire thing is a total shitshow. Grandma has many things for the baby and the 8 year old actually has a room in her house since she raised him most of his life. But they do have needs. Her getting the baby was obviously unexpected and personally, I want to make both of the children realize there are people who care. When I handed the baby over to grandma, I sent the towel I made the head support with and a special fuzzy blanket that she can keep for a keepsake. I do not have much, but I gave her something super special and I do have more for her coming in soon.

She did not ask to be born into this shitshow, and the 8 year old certainly did not ask to be forced to endure this for as long as he has. Not once in all the time I have known them have I ever seen the 8 year old with a single toy. Evan’s idea of parenting is sticking the phone in his hands and sitting him down. Evan sold the tablet grandma got for the 8 year old. Everything grandma mentioned that she got the child is gone.

Regardless of who donates, I am still gonna work on getting a care package for them together. The kids need to understand that people care and have some keepsakes to give to their own kids in the future.

Can we come together to do this? If a GFM is set up the money should go to a college fund, maybe a Disney World trip, mainly something special now and a cushion for the future. I will NOT be setting up a GFM for them, I am trying to coordinate donations of items for immediate needs like clothes, toys, etc.

I want to thank everyone for reading this long ass post and to those who help in this effort to gather items donated. This has been hell on the emotions for sure because I was friends with the parents and I care about the kids. This also came down just a couple of weeks after I had to put one of my favorite cats to sleep. I made a post about Spanky and I still grieve him. Now I am terrified for the 8 year old though and I pray he gets to grandma’s house soon.

I feel Evan will ditch the van since we all know what it looks like. I guess one good thing came of his weird visit the night Becky got out of jail…… They hid the baggie of pot before the sheriff came that night and they never took it with them. I am allergic to pot so it is of no use to me, but I moved it from their hiding place so if they try to sneak up here and find it I promise you they won’t! It isn’t at my place anymore but none of us know what to do with it since none of us use MJ…..

So, to sum up their situation as of this evening:

1.      Homeless living in their van

2.      Broke, they spent the 8 year old’s SSI check in less than 72 hours

3.      Claims he wrecked the van and was broke down on the road side (so now no functioning air conditioning in an excessive heat warning)

4.      No plans to get the 8 year old enrolled in school or get his autism services established

5.      Becky has multiple violations of her release already

6.      Oh abandoned their 8 year old small dog too (it is being cared for, no I do not have it)

Did I forget anything? Sheesh this has been a shitshow to keep up with. Can I have a nap now lol?

I am too tired and too sick for all of this, seriously! I have hacked up yellow mucus, been puking my guts out and have an antibiotic that says “stay out of direct sunlight” (as if that is even possible LMAO. To top it off I also received a strange, semi expected call today around 2 pm. I had to make an emergency trip to Needles, California to rescue a cat that had been microchipped to me in case of an emergency. He is safe too and happy to be here, but damn that was a hell of a quick trip.

 

The next few days be patient with me while I try to kick whatever the hell this is that I have. I am not being unsocialable, just trying to rest and sleep this off. You can message me directly on Facebook, YouTube or drop a comment on this post if you wish to help the kids out. I may be slow to reply, but I will reply! I hate being sick that’s for sure and thankfully it does not happen often!